Paranoia-By-Post

BlueBard · May 11, 2007, 10:02:29 AM

Happiness is Mandatory. Trust No One. The Computer is Your Friend. Trust The Computer.

I think there was sufficient interest in a Paranoia-based game that I'd like to run one at some point. I'm in the process of developing a quick and dirty PBP system based loosely on Fudge-type game mechanics. The goal is interesting character development and fast-paced play.

The original Paranoia allowed for little in the way of choice for character generation; everything was random. This version lets the players do a little customization. However, certain truisms still apply:

- Everyone is a clone.
- Mutations are treasonous.
- Everyone is a mutant.
- Secret Societies are treasonous.
- Everyone belongs to a Secret Society.
- Commie mutant traitors must die.
- The Computer is still Paranoid. Trust The Computer.

For those who don't know what the heck I'm talking about, or why dying is fun, please visit the Wikipedia entry for Paranoia. Then you should immediately report yourself for treasonous activity and proceed to the nearest Termination Booth.

This game is not going to start tomorrow, or probably anytime soon. After I hammer out some basic game mechanics, I have to put together a Paranoia mission. But I have managed to throw together a basic framework for character creation and I'm interested in finding out who wants to play. Knowing which players and their characters will be involved will probably suggest the mission.

The nice thing about a Paranoia game is that it can be short, self-contained, and entertaining. Missions don't have to be long, drawn out games to be fun, which lends itself to posting games. Paranoia thrives on secrecy, which is easily taken care of with PM's and Spoiler tags.

And the best thing about Paranoia is...

[ text deleted for security reasons ]

Viking · May 11, 2007, 10:10:54 AM

As a Happy and Loyal Citizen, I point out that I am the first to volunteer in Service to the Computer! All Hail the Computer!

I look forward to being a Troubleshooter! If I find Trouble, I will Shoot it!

BlueBard · May 11, 2007, 10:34:55 AM

Quote from: Viking on May 11, 2007, 10:10:54 AM
As a Happy and Loyal Citizen, I point out that I am the first to volunteer in Service to the Computer! All Hail the Computer!

I look forward to being a Troubleshooter! If I find Trouble, I will Shoot it!

Your loyalty and dedication are duly noted, Friend Citizen. Please accept this voucher for one allotment of Bouncy Bubble Beverage as a token of appreciation. It may be redeemed at any PLC depot simply by turning in the voucher, filling out form BBB-1-42608-LL, and then cross-filing form 1N-Y0R-DRMZ.

BlueBard · May 11, 2007, 10:42:06 AM

Just in case it needs to be spelled out...

Players with no sense of humor and lacking creative response to frustration need not apply.

There is no L00t, nearly everything in the game is more powerful than you are, and your character is going to die more than once.

Ubermunchkins make great laser-cannon-fodder.

Alaric · May 11, 2007, 10:53:46 AM

I've been curious about this game for years.

Wait... does that mean I need to proceed to the nearest Termination Booth?

BlueBard · May 11, 2007, 11:43:41 AM

Quote from: Alaric on May 11, 2007, 10:53:46 AM
I've been curious about this game for years.

Wait... does that mean I need to proceed to the nearest Termination Booth?

Curiosity is not encouraged at your security clearance, Citizen. Participation is. All you need to know will be revealed on a need-to-know basis.

And no, you don't need to know. ;)

Spam · May 11, 2007, 01:55:33 PM

This game sounds crazy...

I'll join, oh glorious Computer.

FORIAMSPAM!

BlueBard · May 11, 2007, 02:40:46 PM

For more information about what playing Paranoia is like, read this.

This article is completely approved for your security level.

The Phantom Eyebrow · May 11, 2007, 04:32:18 PM

Very interesting. I feel confident that I have the right stuff and will swiftly advance along the colour spectrum in service of the great computer.

Lord Elcorion · May 11, 2007, 08:49:46 PM

i think this was the basis of the "treason-hackers" game in an episode of Knights of the Dinner Table.. there was a flash cartoon made, but the website, hoody-hoo.com seems to have been taken down..

Panther_Gunn · May 11, 2007, 10:40:26 PM

Quote from: The Phantom Eyebrow on May 11, 2007, 04:32:18 PM
Very interesting. I feel confident that I have the right stuff and will swiftly advance along the colour spectrum in service of the great computer.

Such confidence in oneself. You must feel that you are so much better than others to think this way. Only a mutant would believe himself to be that much better than the rest of the Glorious Computer's troubleshooters. *files a termination voucher for an obvious Commie mutant traitor*

BlueBard · May 12, 2007, 12:40:07 AM

Friend Citizens, The Computer is deeply touched by your obvious displays of patriotism. Rest assured, once the bugs have been worked out of the Experimental Character Creation System your applications for duty in the Troubleshooters will be processed as quickly as possible.

In the meantime, unfortunately the local Interrogation and Hot Fun Enforcement unit is currently experiencing a backlog of cases and cannot determine which of you is a commie mutant traitor at this time. If you would like to expedite your applications, please turn yourselves in to the nearest Confession and Termination Center for summary execution.

Thank you, and Have a Nice Daycycle!

bearded · May 12, 2007, 01:54:19 AM

I bellyfeel this will be a doubleplusgoodthink. The Golden Country awaits! no, wait...2 + 2 = 5? "Do it to Julia!"

The Phantom Eyebrow · May 12, 2007, 02:09:19 AM

Quote from: Panther_Gunn on May 11, 2007, 10:40:26 PM
Such confidence in oneself. You must feel that you are so much better than others to think this way. Only a mutant would believe himself to be that much better than the rest of the Glorious Computer's troubleshooters. *files a termination voucher for an obvious Commie mutant traitor*

Only a traitor would even dream of suggesting that a mutant could possibly advance under the glorious auspices of the Computer. *Counterfiles a termination voucher for this dreadful thoughtcrime *

Panther_Gunn · May 12, 2007, 09:09:20 AM

Quote from: The Phantom Eyebrow on May 12, 2007, 02:09:19 AM
Quote from: Panther_Gunn on May 11, 2007, 10:40:26 PM
Such confidence in oneself. You must feel that you are so much better than others to think this way. Only a mutant would believe himself to be that much better than the rest of the Glorious Computer's troubleshooters. *files a termination voucher for an obvious Commie mutant traitor*

Only a traitor would even dream of suggesting that a mutant could possibly advance under the glorious auspices of the Computer. *Counterfiles a termination voucher for this dreadful thoughtcrime *

As the perpetual Equipment Officer, I have to ask how you obtained that termination voucher? I don't recall seeing a requisition form, filled out in triplicate, and cross-filed in quintuplate on the yellow form with gold thread. Obviously you stole it, which is a crime. Only a Commie (who thinks that everything belongs to everybody) or a traitor would steal, and since you have already admitted to being a mutant earlier, you should just proceed to the nearest Termination Booth. I've already done my duty to the Computer by informing it of your crimes, so I'm sure your escort will be along shortly.

Viking · May 12, 2007, 01:20:49 PM

Quote from: Panther_Gunn on May 12, 2007, 09:09:20 AM
Only a Commie (who thinks that everything belongs to everybody) or a traitor would steal..

How do you know about what Commies think? You have admitted that you know treasonous propaganda, by your own words! This has been duly recorded by the ever-present recording devices that Serve The Computer!

You should report to the nearest Confession/Termination Booth immediately, so as to not compound your crimes by requiring us to spend valuable Computer resources in terminating you.

Alaric · May 12, 2007, 03:47:27 PM

I'm deaply desturbed by the amount of individuality being displayed in this thread. We should all just let the Computer put words in our mouths.

BlueBard · May 13, 2007, 09:51:06 AM

Will all Commie Mutant Traitors please report to Briefing Room D34D to apply for immediate and unconditional pardon. Act now and The Mighty and Benevolent Computer will throw in two entertainment vouchers for an exclusive viewing of a classic pre-Whoops 2D vid. Bring a friend!

We will be showing "Terminator".

Deaths Jester · May 16, 2007, 08:35:28 AM

Troubleshooter Alpha-Omega 5 at ye service, oh grand Computer! Stay Alert! Trust No One! Keep Your Laser Handy!

-DJ

BlueBard · May 16, 2007, 09:39:14 AM

Quote from: Deaths Jester on May 16, 2007, 08:35:28 AM
Troubleshooter Alpha-Omega 5 at ye service, oh grand Computer! Stay Alert! Trust No One! Keep Your Laser Handy!

"Alpha-Omega? Friend Citizen, where did you get such a unique and totally unauthorized designation? There is no Alpha. There is no Omega. They are treasonous rumors. There is only Beta. I'm sorry, Citizen, but your existence is unauthorized. Please report to the nearest Termination Booth. It is your patriotic duty. Thank you for your cooperation. Have a nice daycycle."

The Phantom Eyebrow · May 16, 2007, 01:09:59 PM

The computer is right of course. This would normally go without saying but it bears emphasis due to the frankly shocking sentiments being expressed here. You, you... individuals... should all do as the Computer says and head down to the Termination Booth now.

I'll mind your coats.

Spam · May 17, 2007, 12:50:21 PM

Oh Glorious Computer, Troubleshooter SPAM-A-LOT, reporting for duty!

Deaths Jester · May 18, 2007, 08:09:53 AM

Quote from: BlueBard on May 16, 2007, 09:39:14 AM
Quote from: Deaths Jester on May 16, 2007, 08:35:28 AM
Troubleshooter Alpha-Omega 5 at ye service, oh grand Computer! Stay Alert! Trust No One! Keep Your Laser Handy!

"Alpha-Omega? Friend Citizen, where did you get such a unique and totally unauthorized designation? There is no Alpha. There is no Omega. They are treasonous rumors. There is only Beta. I'm sorry, Citizen, but your existence is unauthorized. Please report to the nearest Termination Booth. It is your patriotic duty. Thank you for your cooperation. Have a nice daycycle."

The Computer is always correct and all knowing! I do as the computer commands for it is my patriotic duty. *proceeds to the nearest Termination Booth* For a nice daycycle!!!

BlueBard · May 20, 2007, 11:51:06 AM

Panther_Gunn, your PM inbox is full. Clean out all of the treasonous material ASAP before The Computer does an audit!

Panther_Gunn · May 20, 2007, 06:14:21 PM

GAH! It should only be full of official and obviously important edicts from the Glorious Computer! Perhaps some Commie Mutant Traitor has found a way to send me unsolicited advertisements for Happy Energy Bars. Proceeding to the trashcan, oh Benevolent Computer!

Spam · May 21, 2007, 12:43:41 PM

And just who would send you these things of the commie and the mutant? Do you have anyone that knows you who are this way? As a Troubleshooter, it is my duty to tell you to proceed to the nearest termination booth, ASAP!

gdaybloke · May 21, 2007, 01:07:43 PM

Um... All hail the Computer... Citizen Spyd of sector MAN, clearance Infrared, reporting.

I was instructed by Citizen Jacki-R-BEE to report for reassignment to the Troubleshooters. It is an.. um... honour and I am... proud to commit suici - er, fulfil my duty as a loyal member of the complex as a (*gulp*) Troubleshooter.

I only ask that my crechemate, Mar-I-JAN, be notified so that she can mourn... er, I mean, so that she can be proud of me as I serve the glorious Computer...

BlueBard · May 21, 2007, 02:07:36 PM

Quote from: gdaybloke on May 21, 2007, 01:07:43 PM
Um... All hail the Computer... Citizen Spyd of sector MAN, clearance Infrared, reporting.

I was instructed by Citizen Jacki-R-BEE to report for reassignment to the Troubleshooters. It is an.. um... honour and I am... proud to commit suici - er, fulfil my duty as a loyal member of the complex as a (*gulp*) Troubleshooter.

I only ask that my crechemate, Mar-I-JAN, be notified so that she can mourn... er, I mean, so that she can be proud of me as I serve the glorious Computer...

Message recieved, Friend Spyd-IR-MAN. You'll be getting your directives shortly, just as soon as you pass the Mandatory Background Check and Body Cavity Examination.

BlueBard · May 22, 2007, 07:36:35 AM

"Pssst... Hey, Citizen! C'mere!"

A man you've never seen before motions from a side corridor

"I'm looking for a general list of common equipment and their clearance levels... If you might be in possession of this information, I'd be much obliged. I want to, ah, make sure I don't give out the wrong equipment to the wrong person at the, uh, supply depot. That would be, ah, bad. I sure wouldn't want to accidentally hand out classified gear to a commie mutant traitor."

wink wink

(GM: I can remember enough Paranoia to fake my way through without a manual, but aside from the obvious laser barrels and reflec armor I'm stuck on what's available at what security level. If you have a list, or remember part of a list, please PM me.)

gdaybloke · May 22, 2007, 01:38:30 PM

I find your behaviour unusual, citizen. Every loyal citizen knows that if an item is of your security clearance level, it'll be clearly marked according to your clearance level. Knowledge of paraphernalia above your clearance level would imply that you're intimately familiar with such items; have you been utilising equipment above your security level? Cos ya know, that sounds like something treasonous commie mutant scum would do.

(OOC: Pretty much anything can be assigned to a anyone so long as it's the correct clearance colour. In the case of Troubleshooters, this usually means black (Infrared clearance) and red (since Troubleshooters tend to be Red clearance). Of course, since we're only lowly Red clearance, our equipment will likely be of ... appropriate quality... and possibly highly dangerous, if R&D are testing anything interesting).