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Author Topic: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point  (Read 469 times)

Offline deano_ue

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Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« on: August 10, 2016, 10:17:58 PM »
Don't know where to post this or even if I should. Does anyone else ever feel like it's not worth fighting, I'm not talking like doing anything  stupid  like vanishing or ending it but I'm just getting so tired of working hard an fighting getting no where. Be it work ,my social or love life or even just stuff in general.

All it seems is I'm trending in place I screw up the good things in my life without even trying and everyone around tells me I over think and I know I do but it's hard to stop

I feel so selfish as I have a decent life and loving caring family and I'm about to move into a great place of my own  but I just see everyone around me with my friends and others getting or having everything I ever wanted  finding someone who cares about them and settling down and they're not doing anything I'm not. I work hard I don't do drugs or drink and I feel like overall yeah I'm a bit of an arse at times but I'm not a bad guy. It just feels sometimes that I look at myself and others look at me as that guy or the werido or the creep who no one can stand


I guess I was good until I heard some news about someone I care/cared about that I'm so happy for them but it just crushed me inside and I can't let anyone know because it would look so bad


I guess I, just venting where I can its just me being daft heh.  it's stupid somethings I shouldn't let get me down but it's hard when it's constantly there and knowing you screwed up and can do nothing about it

i know it sound slike a whole woe is me post. but i lot of stuff was bothering me and the problem was a lot of people i could vent to were all connected so i guess this was an option. it hasnt changed much but you learn to live with what you cant change and put on your best poker face

I sometimes wonder and even get a little scared on the idea I'm gonna be left behind and alone, I don't even think I should be posting this

Offline BentonGrey

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2016, 11:04:13 PM »
UE, I'm so sorry that you're going through this, man.  I understand how you feel, and I've definitely been there myself.  I'm also sure I'm not the only one here for whom that's true. 

That is an advantage of this place.  We aren't involved in the drama of real life, so we're a safe audience, and we're here for each other whenever we need to vent about stuff like this.  I imagine we've all been there, in terms of having a friend get a great bit of news and being both happy for them and yet finding ourselves frustrated or disheartened at the same time.  It's a natural reaction in certain circumstances, though, if you're a decent sort, and it certainly sounds like you are, it's also natural to feel guilty about it.  We feel like we should be able to be unalloyed in our happiness for our friend.  Nonetheless, I don't think there is really anything to feel guilty about because in such a situation what you feel isn't really about THEM, it's about you. 

I've certainly been there.  While I was stalled some years ago, I had friends moving ahead with their lives.  There I was, unemployed or working at Blockbuster, and my friends were getting good jobs, starting families, all of that.  It really made me wonder why it was happening for them and not for me.  I lived clean, I was a decent guy, and I worked hard, but nonetheless, there I was and there they were.  It was a really frustrating time. 

However, that passed.  I don't know you well enough to offer any major advice, man, but I will say this, nothing lasts forever, and that includes the rough patches in our lives.

I certainly think you're a good guy.  I hope you'll find someone who will appreciate that, and we'll keep you in our prayers.  We care about you, and we're pulling for you.
God Bless
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Online daglob

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2016, 11:16:44 PM »
Look, if you can't vent here, where can you.

I won't kid that you that life is a breeze, but usually if you fight it does make a difference. Also, there are people who care for you that you don't realize actually do. Sometimes the sadness makes you feel like you don't deserve anything good, but this will usually pass. It might get worse, but at some point it will get better (and it might get worse again).

Hell, I can't tell you anything you don't already know. You might get angry over a friend's good fortune, but there is no reason that you can't go out and make your own fortune yourself.

Yeah, and what Benton says...
« Last Edit: August 10, 2016, 11:20:51 PM by daglob »

Offline Cyber Burn

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2016, 12:38:40 AM »
As someone who has hit absolute rock bottom on more than one occasion, to the point that I shouldn't be here to write this, I can say that sometimes you'll find the person who will make the best changes in your life in the most unlikely places. Those people may come and go, but their impact will remain.

I think we all make mistakes in our lives, we all fall down once in a while, and we all push people away that we wish we didn't. It'll take time, but eventually, life takes you on a new path, and when that time comes, I hope you're able to follow it.

In the meantime though, the fact that you feel the way that you do, shows the quality of your character, and it's alright to be flooded with emotions when things happen. I hope you're able to resolve this inner conflict, but just know that you have friends here that are always willing to listen if/when you need to talk.

Offline OrWolvie1

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2016, 04:43:30 AM »
Don't know where to post this or even if I should. Does anyone else ever feel like it's not worth fighting, I'm not talking like doing anything  stupid  like vanishing or ending it but I'm just getting so tired of working hard an fighting getting no where. Be it work ,my social or love life or even just stuff in general.

All it seems is I'm trending in place I screw up the good things in my life without even trying and everyone around tells me I over think and I know I do but it's hard to stop

I feel so selfish as I have a decent life and loving caring family and I'm about to move into a great place of my own  but I just see everyone around me with my friends and others getting or having everything I ever wanted  finding someone who cares about them and settling down and they're not doing anything I'm not. I work hard I don't do drugs or drink and I feel like overall yeah I'm a bit of an arse at times but I'm not a bad guy. It just feels sometimes that I look at myself and others look at me as that guy or the werido or the creep who no one can stand


I guess I was good until I heard some news about someone I care/cared about that I'm so happy for them but it just crushed me inside and I can't let anyone know because it would look so bad


I guess I, just venting where I can its just me being daft heh.  it's stupid somethings I shouldn't let get me down but it's hard when it's constantly there and knowing you screwed up and can do nothing about it

i know it sound slike a whole woe is me post. but i lot of stuff was bothering me and the problem was a lot of people i could vent to were all connected so i guess this was an option. it hasnt changed much but you learn to live with what you cant change and put on your best poker face

I sometimes wonder and even get a little scared on the idea I'm gonna be left behind and alone, I don't even think I should be posting this

This may sound like a cliche, but we're all been where you are right now, believe me. Some of us, namely myself, go through it every single day. But I try very hard to find the positives in my life, and try very hard not to focus on all the negatives. Easier said than done, I know, but life is way too short to do otherwise. Now, I know you and I don't really know each other, and most around here really don't know me at all, but I can say this with certainty; There are wonderful, caring people here who are good to talk to, to help you with the burdens that sometimes seem overwhelming, to remind you of the good things that you have going for you. And I'm sure there are several. So try and focus on those and in time, the others will sort themselves out, one way or another. ANd if you ever need a sounding board, my inbox is always open  :)

Offline Panther_Gunn

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2016, 05:32:02 AM »
Oh man, been there, been stuck in that.

That's a hard place to get out of once you get into it.  I had a bad 5 year stretch before FF came out, and while I had other people online to vent to, I felt bad about burdening other people with my problems.  Some of them tried telling me that I had Depression, which offended me, as I always felt that while I might be upset and depressed about where things were, I didn't have clinical depression, and how dare they even suggest such a thing.  It's hard to see the light when nothing seems to go your way, and most everybody's well-meaning advice sounds like so much Pollyanna glitter and flowers.

Just saying that things will work out isn't always enough.  Sometimes it takes a change.  In my case, a change of location -- I still believe that where I was working was toxic (not literally, I don't think), and it wasn't just my office, or the organization, it was the entire installation.  Eventually, karma rewarded me with a job in Norway, and in a much more supportive environment I was able to get my head back above water, financially, relationship, and career-wise.

All I can tell you is hang in there.  Things will turn around, sometimes when you least expect it.  If you can see something in your life that is not good for you, do what you need to do; it might be the change that needs to be made.  Don't give up -- you can't get a better result if you don't keep trying.
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Offline spydermann93

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2016, 05:52:32 PM »
Was trying to post this last night, but FR shut down on me :P

Anyways,

Don't worry, UE. You'll find happiness. You just have to go through the dark until you can see the light. Not everybody finds it at the same time, but they all do eventually find it.

Feeling like you're left behind is certainly a crappy feeling, to severely understate it. Going along with what Benton's said, seeing all of your friends and loved ones moving on can be a mixture of emotions: happiness, anxiety, delight, envy, excitement, sadness, etc. And that's ok. You're allowed to be more than just happy for a friend, especially one that you really care about, when they find somebody else. As bad as it sounds, it's ok to feel sad. It's ok to feel crushed on the inside. The important thing is that you don't let it consume you. Try finding positives about your situation. It can be anything: a pet, a cool aunt or uncle, a show you like getting a new season, anything. Ignore everybody else's existences for a moment and try and find all of the good that is with you. You might be surprised at what you can come up with.

You will find happiness, UE. It's just that life can be really mean until you do. Just don't give up. Keep your chin up and if you fall down get up twice as strong as you were. One person may have found another, but the one looking for you is still out there. You just have to find them. You'll find each other. It just takes times; sometimes more than you'd like.

Offline Epimethee

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2016, 04:16:40 PM »
Thank you for sharing, Dean. What you're saying certainly resonates with me too, as I had a couple rough patches, with the longest lasting ten years. To add to what the others said, my suggestion would be to do positive activities to surprise yourself: This may create unexpected social and professional opportunities; more importantly, it'll make life by yourself more enjoyable.
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Online daglob

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2016, 04:29:09 PM »
Kind of echoing what Epimethee says, I have a friend who is borderline bipolar. This means that he doctors say he isn't bad enough to medicate. He says this was no consolation on those days that he felt so bad he could barely get out of bed. So, he decided to be happy. He set out to have positive experiences, read books that he enjoyed, see movies that thrilled or amused him (I suggest The Marx Brothers for amusement), and hang around whit people whose company he enjoyed. He couldn't avoid all bad experiences, but he developed the tools that allow him to get past them.

It is 'way more complicated than I have explained, and it takes a lot of work, but it can pay off. These days he is married to a woman he loves (and loves him) and working at a job he enjoys.

Offline deano_ue

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #9 on: April 18, 2017, 04:46:20 PM »
Sometimes you know you shouldn't vent about  stuff that isn't important but knock you for a loop but you know you shouldn't arghhh

Offline Deaths Jester

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #10 on: April 18, 2017, 05:32:13 PM »
<engages his venting system>

Frrrrrtttttt....oops, wrong venting system.....

(thought we needed some...levity...in here...  :P)
« Last Edit: April 18, 2017, 05:34:54 PM by Deaths Jester »

Offline BentonGrey

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #11 on: April 18, 2017, 08:24:58 PM »
While keeping life in perspective is important, not getting overly upset about insignificant things and the like, if something really bothers you, it might be better to vent than just be bothered.  Either way, we're here for you, TUE.
God Bless
"If God came down upon me and gave me a wish again, I'd wish to be like Aquaman, 'cause Aquaman can take the pain..." -Ballad of Aquaman
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Offline SickAlice

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #12 on: April 19, 2017, 12:38:05 AM »
Course it is. Life is a string of mostly mediocrity followed by loss then joy. The former two are to allow us to be able to recognize real happiness when we find it, hence necessary despite however unwanted. And any system always needs to include decay. That very fleetingness in itself creates the point (live because you'll die, so forth). The trick is first to learn to take the boredom, lament and pain in stride. Secondly to grasp that almost always happiness never comes to us, a bad mindset we are taught as children (presents, treats), and rather must be sought first in order to be attained. Lastly you sound like you totally need to take a break and go on trip somewhere else for awhile. Sometimes just staring at the same setting too long can add too the size of it as getting some fresh sensations in your think pan can in turn add a fresh coat of paint on the old view.

Online daglob

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #13 on: April 19, 2017, 02:07:31 AM »
Things that some people think are unimportant may not be unimportant to you.  To some extent, you are your own little world, and the things that go on in your head cannot be known by anyone else. People are the sum total of their entire lives, and, as someone else once said, everyone they have ever met.

Things that  go on in DJ's head probably shouldn't be know by anyone else.

Offline Deaths Jester

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #14 on: April 19, 2017, 02:10:31 AM »
What?!? No one wants to know what's going on in my head?!? And you're saying no one should?!? No wonder I drink...unloved undead...

Offline Cyber Burn

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Re: Sometimes you gotta ask what's the point
« Reply #15 on: April 21, 2017, 01:01:47 AM »
What?!? No one wants to know what's going on in my head?!? And you're saying no one should?!? No wonder I drink...unloved undead...

That's funny. I can almost guarantee that whatever is running through your head is a heck of a lot more pleasant than what's running through mine.

For everything I do vent about, there's at least a dozen more things that I've kept bottled up. That's probably why I tend to blow up every few once in a while. I think most of us can understand your point of view, Dean, but if it's important enough to weigh you down, it's important enough to vent about.