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Author Topic: CRINGEWELL PREDICTS  (Read 131 times)

Offline daglob

  • Shape-Shifting Silly-Putty Android
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  • Da Glob
CRINGEWELL PREDICTS
« on: April 25, 2017, 05:09:38 AM »
Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown, the mysterious, the unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you the full story of what will happen in the forthcoming months. We are giving you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimonies of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places, my friend we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty, let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts we are about to reveal to you?

First, it will be revealed that Bruce Wayne, that bastion of philanthropy, that pillar of society is actually the secret hidden master of all crime in Gotham City. He has manipulated the various ďsuper-villainsĒ into combat with The Bat-Man to bolster his own reputation, but that all else is false, and has ever been thus. His closest friends are merely window dressing, camouflage for his nefarious schemes. The confrontations between Wayne and Ras al Guhl are not the opposition of good versus evil, but the competition between two businessmen in the same field, as they drain wealth from the rich, the poor, the unprotected. Only Jack Napier, known as The Joker, knows the real secret, but plays along because of his warped sense of humor.

It will also be revealed that Superman didnít have to kill Zod; he did it because he wanted to. He has wanted to kill for years, and plotted for this very day, until he could lure an unsuspecting victim into his clutches. We learn what really happened to Wonder Womanís father, the secret behind the real origins of the Metal Men.

Are you ready to face the truth that Mary and Richard Parker faked their deaths at the insistence of the real Kingpin of crime, Richardís brother Ben? That they hide in secret; hidden by HYDRA operatives who, under the control of Jasper Sitllwell, are the actual heads of SHIELD? The Burglar was actually an agent of The FBI, who tried to arrest Ben Parker, but killed him in the ensuing struggle. My friends, are you ready to know that Ben Parkerís widow, May Parker, is the Queenpin of Crime, and all the underworld of New York bows to her in obeisance?

My friends, we shall also discover that Reed Richards deliberately sabotaged the experiment of fellow student Victor von Doom, and to this day, uses his clueless partners to thwart von Doomís attempts to help humanity. Under the guise of benefactor, Richards pursues his plan to conquer the world and to bring out the ultimate humiliation of his rival, von Doom.

The future holds more secrets, such as the real head of the Maggia will be revealed as Prince Roy of Cashalot, and his wealth is the ill-gotten gain of a thousand evil plots. Or that Howard the Duck is actually a disciple of the Dreaded Dormammu, and they plot to pit their puppet, Stephen Strange, against the assembled might of assorted defenders of the Earth. Then, we will know that Professor Charles Xavier and Nathaniel Essex have worked together for decades to bring about the absolute subjugation of homo sapiens. Or that Wade Williams and his father, Mephisto, have been planning on a way to corrupt the X-Men, taking them from Xavier and Mr. Sinister, and use them for purposes more devious and impossible than the other two plan. And we will learn that Oliver Queen is a sleeper agent for an insidious foreign power, that Arthur Curry is actually a mutant with water-breathing powers, and started his campaign to destroy the surface dweller as far back as the Second World War, that Planet Terry is the real devourer of worlds.

You will realize that every line, every world, every description ever written in the entire history of comics is part of a vast nefarious plot against us all. All those who have been masquerading as heroes will be reveled as vile villains, cruel and sadistic, whose every thought has been one of malevolent evil. it will change and deepen your whole understanding of comics, and completely exonerate the poor, pitiful Doctor Wertham.

My friend, you have learned this information based on sworn testimony. Can you prove that it didn't happen? Perhaps on your way home, you will pass someone in the dark, and you will never know it, for they will be a strange visitor from outer space, a mutant, an Inhuman, or an Atlantean? Many scientists believe that another world is watching us this moment, from a dimension of sight, of sound, of mind. We once laughed at the horseless carriage, the aeroplane, the telephone, the electric light, vitamins, radio, and even television! And now some of us laugh at strange visitors from outer space. God help us... in the future.

Offline Deaths Jester

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Re: CRINGEWELL PREDICTS
« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2017, 05:16:52 AM »
DG has been possessed by Criswell's spirit! Soon he'll be sleeping in caskets and starring in Ed Wood films.
Avatar picture originally a Brom painting entitled Marionette.

Offline Reepicheep

  • Reep the Barbarian
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Re: CRINGEWELL PREDICTS
« Reply #2 on: April 25, 2017, 12:16:36 PM »
Finally got that superpower, huh?

Offline Deaths Jester

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Re: CRINGEWELL PREDICTS
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2017, 03:56:23 AM »
I'm wondering, if Glob is possessed by Criswell, who is Tor Johnson, Ed Wood, Bela Lugosi, and Vampira (mmm...Vampira) going to possess?!? Is Reep going to start wearing angora sweaters?!? Is CB going to start talking with a heavy Polish accent and eat us out of food?!?
Avatar picture originally a Brom painting entitled Marionette.