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Author Topic: Darwin Award-Dishonorable Mentions  (Read 717 times)

Offline daglob

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Darwin Award-Dishonorable Mentions
« on: April 26, 2017, 11:10:24 PM »
Locally, a gentleman who was arrested for robbery Friday, got out on bail Monday, then decided to engage in a little carjacking Tuesday. He picked an unmarked police car.
« Last Edit: May 02, 2017, 09:17:55 PM by daglob »

Offline spydermann93

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Re: Darwin Award nominee?
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2017, 11:20:37 PM »
 :lol:

Offline BentonGrey

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Re: Darwin Award nominee?
« Reply #2 on: April 27, 2017, 02:03:15 AM »
Ha!  Wow.  That's impressive
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Offline daglob

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2017, 03:13:46 AM »
Why are we getting them?

There was a break-in in one of the older neighborhoods here in Mobile yesterday. The burglar walked up the the door, spent some time kicking it in, entered the home, then left with a wide screen TV. He was in full view of the homeowner's security camera, and did not bother to pull up the hood on his sweatshirt. This is especially strange given his rather distinctive hairstyle (shaved on the sides, with a patch on top that stands up like a sparse curly Mohawk). Then again, his hoodie had a sports team logo emblazoned on it, his name on the back, and he had no getaway car.

He's in jail.

Offline kkhohoho

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2017, 04:41:46 AM »
This reminds me of a web video show I used to watch some months back. It's called 'What the F*** is Wrong With You' and the entire premise is covering exactly the sort of stories you'd find in the Darwin Awards. Though to be honest, most of them make the stories so far recorded in this thread look quaint. It would be WAY too long a list to name off every single thing they've looked at, but several of their staples include NAKED RAMPAGE!, posting your recent exploits on Facebook right after a robbery, driving cars off of tall hills and careening into rooftops, and stealing ambulances because you can. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Here's the link to said show if you're interested: http://radiodeadair.com/
« Last Edit: April 28, 2017, 04:43:30 AM by kkhohoho »
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Offline BentonGrey

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2017, 01:51:47 PM »
Haha!  Man, I used to love listening to the 'Stupid Criminals' section of the local radio show back in Mississippi.  There's a lot of great stuff in those things, but KK, those are pretty impressive!
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Offline daglob

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2017, 02:14:29 PM »
My point is, it's like they say "Duuuh... gee.... I wanna do sumpthin stoopid... I t'ink I'll go ta Mobile Alabama ta do it".

The thing is, I get this feeling often... usually around the time the evening news comes on...

Offline BentonGrey

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2017, 03:49:13 PM »
Ha!  It would be interesting to study if the proportions of stupid-crime are actually higher in certain areas.  :)
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Offline SickAlice

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2017, 06:25:16 PM »
Me. I found a kids thing on the porch yesterday. It was a plastic basketball hoop that said First Shot on it. I um, thought it was a training potty. It's actually a toy basketball hoop.  :doh:

Offline kkhohoho

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2017, 07:11:00 PM »
Haha!  Man, I used to love listening to the 'Stupid Criminals' section of the local radio show back in Mississippi.  There's a lot of great stuff in those things, but KK, those are pretty impressive!

Oh, that's nothing. One article they covered had Florida accidentally outlaw all laptops by mistake, while another had a man try to make his girlfriend think he was kidnapped in a completely misguided attempt to regain her affection. And then there's the time a couple of bears got high off of a misplaced vat of petrol...
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Offline daglob

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2017, 08:21:31 PM »
Haha!  Man, I used to love listening to the 'Stupid Criminals' section of the local radio show back in Mississippi.  There's a lot of great stuff in those things, but KK, those are pretty impressive!

Oh, that's nothing. One article they covered had Florida accidentally outlaw all laptops by mistake, while another had a man try to make his girlfriend think he was kidnapped in a completely misguided attempt to regain her affection. And then there's the time a couple of bears got high off of a misplaced vat of petrol...
[/b]

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Offline Deaths Jester

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #11 on: May 01, 2017, 03:04:42 AM »
Note: Darwin Award nominees must actually remove themselves from the gene pool thru their stupidity. These here are what would norminally be refered to as idiot criminals...something every place has but not every place reports on the daily news.

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Offline kkhohoho

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #12 on: May 01, 2017, 04:04:45 AM »
Note: Darwin Award nominees must actually remove themselves from the gene pool thru their stupidity. These here are what would norminally be refered to as idiot criminals...something every place has but not every place reports on the daily news.

Professor DJ

Maybe. But darn if I'll give up a chance to talk about that one guy who tried to smuggle a hummingbird up his arse. ;)
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Offline Deaths Jester

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #13 on: May 01, 2017, 04:22:03 AM »
Don't forget the one that tried to smuggle that snake the same way...
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Offline BentonGrey

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #14 on: May 01, 2017, 01:36:00 PM »
Ha!  Well, Darwin Awards also listed an honorable mention category of folks who deserved the award but hadn't quite completed the requirements.  ;)
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Offline SickAlice

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #15 on: May 02, 2017, 05:53:51 PM »
I slipped in a hole in the ground and took out my lower back yesterday. I may just be well on the way to earning a Darwin Award death yet. Noting something here DJ and I'm not the only one that can confirm this I think, when you quit drinking? The hangovers and clumsiness do not go away. Turns out they were always there and just highlighted be the alcohol. Just a little tip for down the road. The only thing that you lose is the relaxation from drinking, that get's replaced by meds from the doctors that aren't quite as fun.

Offline Deaths Jester

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #16 on: May 02, 2017, 06:57:15 PM »
I slipped in a hole in the ground and took out my lower back yesterday. I may just be well on the way to earning a Darwin Award death yet. Noting something here DJ and I'm not the only one that can confirm this I think, when you quit drinking? The hangovers and clumsiness do not go away. Turns out they were always there and just highlighted be the alcohol. Just a little tip for down the road. The only thing that you lose is the relaxation from drinking, that get's replaced by meds from the doctors that aren't quite as fun.

Ummm....SA, I never stopped drinking nor have I ever had the problem with hangovers.  All my potential hangovers seem to broadcast themselves to other people I know and avoid me.  I think it might be my superpower....
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Offline daglob

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #17 on: May 02, 2017, 08:04:29 PM »
I hesitate to post that two kids (teenagers) broke into a jewelry store in a nearby town while the owner was there and armed. They lived.

Barely.

Offline SickAlice

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #18 on: May 02, 2017, 08:35:24 PM »
Lol. Good, don't stop. I only did because I had to, my body stopped being able to in other words. There's no reward at the end of the sobriety rainbow as it turns out. My superpower then used to be the ability to consume any amount of gin as well to say and do completely awkward things with no notice. I miss it, this is boring. I live in Wisconsin now to add to it and of course, everyone here drinks and sobriety itself is seen as an illness.

Offline daglob

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Re: Darwin Award nominee... again?
« Reply #19 on: May 02, 2017, 09:21:10 PM »
Lol. Good, don't stop. I only did because I had to, my body stopped being able to in other words. There's no reward at the end of the sobriety rainbow as it turns out. My superpower then used to be the ability to consume any amount of gin as well to say and do completely awkward things with no notice. I miss it, this is boring. I live in Wisconsin now to add to it and of course, everyone here drinks and sobriety itself is seen as an illness.

Yeah, here in Alabama, if you wake up Saturday morning and remember what you did Friday night you are considered a "sissy".

Offline Deaths Jester

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Re: Darwin Award-Dishonorable Mentions
« Reply #20 on: May 02, 2017, 09:21:52 PM »
Friday?!?! I dinnae remember what I did two minutes ago....
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Offline kkhohoho

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Re: Darwin Award-Dishonorable Mentions
« Reply #21 on: May 03, 2017, 12:38:41 AM »
To be fair, booze is probably the chief motivator of most acts of wanton stupidity. ;) I wouldn't be surprised that's the reason why so many people try to walk out of a grocery store with meat stuffed in their pants.

Anyhoo, there's more than way one way to earn a medal for incredible idiocy. There was this one roadside diner from a whileback that was starting to fall on hard times. Customers weren't coming in and meat was getting harder and harder to come by. (For them anyway.) What was a poor diner manager to do?

Why, take roadkill off of the nearest highway and use it as free easy ingredients, that's what! Not that it helped any. Turns that roadkill, no matter how you cook or season it, smells like the dead, (for obvious reasons,) so everyone within a hairs-breath of the place was starting to notice a foul odor that could make flowers wilt coming from the kitchen. One health inspector later and the whole staff was arrested for selling rotting deer flesh. (Among other things.) That's what you get for taking the easy way out. ;)
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Offline kkhohoho

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Re: Darwin Award-Dishonorable Mentions
« Reply #22 on: May 08, 2017, 12:54:33 AM »
So I started watching that show I talked about again. Highlights for this week included a man issuing a false terrorist threat to a nearby airport to try and get out of a trip with his girlfriend, a women pulling out a gun and threatening to shoot a barber because he was taking too long cutting her son's hair, and some crazy yahoo shaving every single cat he could get his hands on. (Including those which didn't belong to him.) Truly, the stupid is strong with this one.
« Last Edit: May 09, 2017, 08:44:33 PM by kkhohoho »
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Offline daglob

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Re: Darwin Award-Dishonorable Mentions
« Reply #23 on: May 08, 2017, 01:06:23 AM »
I would think that shaving a cat would be it's own punishment.

Or... maybe he confused shaved cat with shaved...

Offline SickAlice

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Re: Darwin Award-Dishonorable Mentions
« Reply #24 on: May 09, 2017, 03:01:50 PM »
...beaver?

Offline daglob

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Re: Darwin Award-Dishonorable Mentions
« Reply #25 on: May 09, 2017, 03:25:27 PM »
 :lol:

Offline kkhohoho

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Re: Darwin Award-Dishonorable Mentions
« Reply #26 on: May 18, 2017, 01:45:02 PM »
Another week, another round of bulldung. A number of unbelievably stupid escapades were covered on this week's show, but of note were, in no particular order, a store owner drilling holes into the tires of illegally parked cars in front of his store after calling the cops about said cars, a man who burned down his own home in a misguided attempt to kill a bunch of possums, and a butt-naked man mowing down mailboxes with a machete because he could. (Coincidentally, his cousin also got arrested for assaulting the police in a valiant if not well planned effort to save him from being taken into custody  Whoops.)
« Last Edit: May 18, 2017, 04:16:44 PM by kkhohoho »
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Offline daglob

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Re: Darwin Award-Dishonorable Mentions
« Reply #27 on: May 18, 2017, 02:57:32 PM »
They have been quite here lately... too quiet...

Offline kkhohoho

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Re: Darwin Award-Dishonorable Mentions
« Reply #28 on: May 21, 2017, 04:33:17 AM »
Today on WTFIWWY: A man uprooted several stop signs as part of a so-called 'prank', another man chased a 9 year old girl while cosplaying as an anime character, and another tried to climb Mt.Everest without paying the 8000 pound fee and now has to pay double that after getting caught. Honestly, I'm not really surprised by any of this at this point. Stupid is as stupid does.
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Offline kkhohoho

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Re: Darwin Award-Dishonorable Mentions
« Reply #29 on: May 28, 2017, 10:29:08 PM »
So. More Whatthef***erry. Anyhoo. Last week, a man opened fire in front of a Chuck E. Cheese and promptly rode off only to forgot he left his son there, a woman dressed herself as a t-rex to scare the crap out of horses because she could, another man stole a relative's security system and hurled it into the river after breaking into her home and masturbating, yet another man stole a rattlesnake for the purpose of kissing it only to get bit and subsequently hospitalized, and another woman crashed into a house drunk with a giant lizard stuck in her bra. (There were a lot of doozies this week.)
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http://archiveofourown.org/works/1089779/chapters/2193203