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Author Topic: Worried for my friend and myself...  (Read 173 times)

Offline Luigisan

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Worried for my friend and myself...
« on: May 15, 2018, 04:59:07 PM »
There's still a bit of myself that has something needs solving...I really want to be patient for it, but I can't help but feel of such silence. I don't know if it' because I was doing it wrong all the time or maybe the friend is just taking the time to properly talk to me. I hope it's the latter but it still makes me nervous...and sad.

The thing is, it's that such friend is one that helped me pull through when I got kicked out of a Discord thread over my stubbornness and unwillingness to let others speak their mind first, and I may not go back until I fully learned in how to handle my attitude. We had some good time together...unti I started to constantly message him in some days where he had work, he told to only try on Saturday and Sunday even though the country where I live in has a weekend from Thursday to Saturday only until vacation. And when I was trying to have the usual chit chat...he found a bit too much to handle when he finished work, namely the need to "breathe" and so he blocked me on Discord itself. I accepted, if a bit grudgingly, because he told me it won't for long...but that happened around March, and here I am, still cut off from him. My other attempts of trying to talk with others in trying to message him on my behalf of when he will unblock me further irritated him and the user that I tried to message, mostly because of how much I insisted in getting unblocked from him. He told me that until I stop using people as emotional crutches, he will keep me blocked.

Some days later, I accepted in how much people can mean to me but also look out for yourself, so I sent him an apology letter from not having realized what he meant for me but now I did...yet he didn't respond. Tried again in the weekend, silence. Tried again two weeks later, still silence. Then finally here...still silence.

I'm trying to respect people's wishes and their own need of space ever since and I really want to. I'm honestly not a fan of tough love and though I still respect the friend's use of it to make me fully understand...I think he still taking it a step further and yet he's being silent about it or something, I don't know...I don't want to break another friendship again.

To such friend...even though I'm really want to respect in what you want me...I still miss you...I just hope you're not hiding something from me...
Is that you John Wayne? Is this me?

Offline daglob

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Re: Worried for my friend and myself...
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2018, 06:03:41 PM »
There is not much you can do if he won't communicate.

I don't know what to tell you. It does seem to anger him that you are trying to get him to "unblock" you before he is ready. I know people whom that would make just add "breathing" time. He said he would get back in touch with you when he was ready.  I don't know all the background, of course, but that is what it seems like to me. I'm afraid you have to either wait him out or move on. From what you say, it could be that your friend may feel that there was more emotion in your side of the relationship than in his, and he is trying to let you down easy, sort of cutting you off without saying so.

Again, I am the last person to give advice on relationships considering how messed up such things are in my life.

Offline spydermann93

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Re: Worried for my friend and myself...
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2018, 10:54:17 PM »
Some people just need space and time to themselves. All you can do is just say you're sorry and leave it at that. Once is enough, trust me.

The worst thing you could do in this situation is constantly send "I'm sorry" to them. That will not get them back. Even if you're doing it once a week, that will put them off.

I can almost promise you that they aren't hiding anything from you. They just want time to relax. Not everybody can chat with others everyday. And if there are people that talk to them too much, they'll try and avoid them.

And do NOT ask others to contact them for you. That raises a LOT of red flags to the other person and they'll most certainly not want to unblock you. It feels as if you are far too attached to them, almost to the point of becoming like a digital stalker. I am not saying that's what you're doing, but you must give them the space they need. You must be aware of your actions.

Quote
I'm trying to respect people's wishes and their own need of space ever since and I really want to.

And that's exactly what you should be doing. Do not take it personally if they don't respond to your chat messages. It is not a slight against you; it's just how that person likes to communicate.

If you really want to see/chat with them again, try to restrain yourself from sending any more messages. Once they unblock you, do NOT immediately start messaging them again. Wait for about a month or two longer and simply say that you're sorry if you stepped over personal boundaries and leave it at that. They will contact you if they are ready to try again.

Again, it is very important to not take this personally. Some people would not mind this kind of communication and having somebody to talk to can definitely help let off some steam, but this person is clearly not that type. That is ok! And even if they don't unblock you, they are not some magical key to your happiness. The only person that can make you happy is you. As stupid as that sounds, it's true. You know yourself better than anybody and if you know you're struggling, seek professional help. Do not get so attached to one person. If they stay in contact with you, AWESOME! If not, then that is ok, too. Everything will be ok, with or without them. Stand strong and stand tall. Find a hobby. Breathe in and take every day one step at a time. You will be fine. :)