Oh Joy!

[Verfall]

And by that I mean not at all...

Saw my doc on Friday. For those not in the know, I had back surgery back in February of last year. Things went great, and I've been pain free since about 2 months after surgery. Well, I was pain free.

Starting around the time of a concert back in may, I started getting pain in my hip. The concert was standing room only, and it was an 8 hour drive to get there a couple days before. So lots of long sitting, and a few hours of standing, I'm sure pain would be no big deal. I'd had flashes of pain all along during recovery, but it was gone in a matter of days. But than a week passed, and than two, and now here I am a month later and I can barely put weight on that leg. The pain went from hip pain to my entire right leg feels like it ran the Boston Marathon with a vice around my thigh.

So I see the doc, and not only does he think my third bulging disc finally blew, as we expected it may but nowhere near this soon, but that I may have more that are either about to go or have already joined the herniation club. I attempted to try to take pain killers for the damn thing, but as some of you may know I ended up going into withdrawal ala Trainspotting when I tried getting off 'em last time. Two days of nightmares, and what felt like partial sleep hallucinations, was enough for me. Between the battle of being dazed and stupored versus being in a metric ton of pain, I chose pain. What's a little "crying like a wee girl every so often" in the scheme of things?

So ya, I'm very angry and annoyed right now. I'm about to go back to school in the fall, I finally had my life pulled back together to a degree I was no longer ashamed of my existence, and WHAM, I'm a bleedin' cripple again. The afternoon of the day I saw the doc I laid down for a nap, since I haven't had a full nights rest in a good two weeks, and I ended up having a nightmare about going back on the table again. Apparently during the last surgery my heart nearly stopped and they had to partially revive me, leading to an extra 3 hours on the table.

I'm currently a very tired and yet very wired nervous wreck. Add to that the constant throbbing in my right leg, which has given out 4 times in the last week going up stairs, and wow...I'm a mess.

[Ares_God_of_War]

I feel your pain. I was in an autoaccident and have a few herniated discs in my back and my neck. Have they tried any water therapy or anything like that> I am sorry to hear about your back bro :(

[Alaric]

All I can say is, you have my sympathies, and I hope things look up for you soon.

[catwhowalksbyhimself]

I am sorry for you. Unforunately, your current mental state is only going to make things worse for you.  I would recommend finding some really good comedies, or something else you find either fun or amusing, and spend a whole day doing or watching that.  Try to find some friend who aren't going to focus or even talk about your physical problems to hang with you during that time.

I'd bet that not only will you feel mental and emotionally better, but you may ever feel just a tad bit physically better as well (or at least be more mentally ready to face the physical pain.)

At any rate, my prayers and best wishes are with you.

[captainspud]

I would recommend hanging out with a puppy.

Puppies make everything better. EVERYTHING.

[tommyboy]

I had a herniated disc about five years ago, the disc-ectomy was successful, but during rehab the pain began to return. Not as much, or as often, but enough to scare me silly that the 'one chance in ten' of a repeat I'd been warned of was happening. A scan seemed to show a partial herniation, or possibly just scar tissue. I was given initially the chance to have another op, but warned that the risks were higher than before, and that it might leave me worse off rather than better, so i chose 'wait and see' combined with everything else they could try, as the pain was nowhere near as bad as it had been.
They tried epidurals, and TENS machines, and a few other things, but it persisted.
The most useful thing in the end was part of the pain management programme, which helped with some cognitive behavioural therapy, and adjusting to my new life, learning to live with, and accept the pain. Of course, what I'm in really needs a different word than what you are currently in, kind of like bump vs mountain. My current 'pain' and your current 'pain' are very very different, and just a more positive attitude is not much good with your levels of pain.
But you can get through this. You have already been through worse, and it didn't destroy you. Seize those few moments of less or no pain for the gift they are, and try to endure as best you can the rest. The next minute, the next meal, the next hour, those are your achievable goals.
If you have to take pain medication, you have to take it. You've coped with that before too. If you have to have another op, you have to have one. You've already dealt with a heck of a lot, and can deal with more. You are allowed to feel scared, or despair, or anger. Feel them and let them pass, as this situation will pass too.
Don't fight it, because it's not a fight you will win. Don't cause yourself more pain than you have to endure just to prove it wont beat you. Listen to your body and stop when it says stop. Just do what you have to, and can do. That isn't 'letting it beat you', anymore than admitting that I can't fly under my own power is.
And a persons worth, to themselves or to others is not how well or able bodied they are, but how they treat themselves and others. This isn't a failing on your part, or anyone else's. It's OK to be angry, but don't let angry be all that you are.


I'm sure much of this is either blindingly obvious, or possibly inapplicable to your current state. If so, I apologize.
I hope you get some relief, some sleep, some healing.

[AncientSpirit]

I also feel your pain.   I'm currently in physical rehab because of back problems, after weeks of epidoral nerve blocks and heavy duty pain killers.   I was also very afraid of becoming addicted to them, and took the absolute minimum just to get me through the nights of pain. and immediately weened myself off of them as soon as I had the opportunity.

I won't give advice because I know how horrible I felt, how desperate to be out of pain, and how in the worst of it, it felt like it would last forever -- and no one could convince me otherwise.

But I will tell you that we're thinking of you, and hoping for your speediest possible recovery.

 

[Spam]

Man... Hope you get a speedy recovery, dude. Sounds like you really need it.