Prevsational

[Previsionary]

* Meanwhile, though teleported from the stage, The Phantom Eyebrow maintains a watching brief on the proceedings with growing trepidation. *

:eyebrow: :o { What in the name of all that's spectral is Prev doing, giving a platform to so many evil-doers and villains on his show?

* ... he asks himself *

*prev slowly takes shape from fragmented pieces of TPE's shadow and taps his shoulder*

:prev: This, sir, is a place of neutrality. It's the only reason I haven't shoved a weapon deep into your gut and watched you bleed. You have no idea how tempting it is to do it...right...freakin'...now.

*prev turns around allowing his cape to fly where it may*

:prev: But I'm a professional...and I have a show to do!

*while walking towards stage*

:prev: One side Dimwitted Jokester! The Host must take to his duties! Perhaps you'd enjoy not being in my face with your pathetic army!

*teleports DJ and his "army" into TPE's eyebrows as miniature characters*

:prev: Now, let's prepare for our next guest...who ever it may be! As long as it's not that guy with the third eye. He's a freak.   <_<

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

* As the Phantom watches Prev head back to the stage he feels a strange itch in his eyebrows.  Being a practical sort he quickly identifies a course of action to deal with this unwelcome irritation *

:eyebrow: { A quick scratch of the itchy areas should deal with the problem nicely.

* The Eyebrow's index digit rummages amidst the follicles, unknowingly wreaking terrible havok amongst the miniturised hoarde contained therein *

[catwhowalksbyhimself]

A small, black, partially transparent cat walks through the wall off the left of the stage.  The ghostly cat then becomes quite engrossed in washing his face, ignoring everyone going on around him.

[Podmark]

*Podmark enters backstage*

Alright everyone can relax, I'm here. Sorry it took me so long, had a little car trouble.

Do you even have a car?

Well uh no. I just kinda stole my sidekick's bike. It's been a slow month in the mercenary business, ok?

So is that why you spend all your time at the base watching soaps?

No way! That's just quality TV. Ooo look snacks....
*wanders off.

[Previsionary]

*prev looks at the audience and notices something that catches his attention before returning back to his note cards.*

:prev (mentally): *sigh* TPE's presence here is bothering me. Something must be done about it...

*prev looks to his right and notices Podmark walking towards the stage*

:prev: Welcome out...Podmark!

*audience whoops*

:prev: Poddy Pod Poppa Diddy Pop...how does that name make you feel?

: Ummm happy? Sad? Confused? Out of date? Happy? Hungry? Sblounskched?! Yeah hungry lets go with that...I didn't steal the food backstage. *looks around shiftyly*

:prev: because P. Di--dad--diddy...what's his face changes his name every other year and I figured you'd like--

: Well you figured wrong! I'm perfectly happy with my name. Also I will be changing it to Mark Pod soon. Then after that I intend to eat AA's lunch in the Heroforce fridge. Is Hero Force one word or two?....

:prev: I understand. Now, I have papers here that says you once ran a church...and you're a marksman. Which is true?

Pod: Neither it's both.

:prev: How is that even possible? It seems so...odd!

: The church of Podmark is still very much alive. We meet in the basement of my sidekick pre-law student Bob Lawson (yes that's his real name) parent's house every Saturday morning after 3pm, when I wake up. BYOC, bring your own chair. I prefer lawn.

I'm also still a marksmen but work's been slow since Doctor Manbot's presidential campaign ended. Also I blotched the Captain America Assassination, so Red Skull had to call in some goober named Crossbones. I went to the wrong comic universe, so sue me! Easy mistake! Anyone could have made it! But I "met" Batman so that was pretty cool. He let me keep my teeth, too.

:prev: Now, I asked your friend Flesheater about this, but how do you feel about Heroforce 2? Do you enjoy your teammates?

Pod: Well it beats living in Bob's baseme- I mean the Church- so it's got that going for it. Not too thrilled with the name though. I suggested reviving Villains United but AA didn't like that, UE too for some reason.

As for my teammates, well Afghan Ant is one of them heroes so that creates some conflicts, but Ultimate Evil is pretty cool i mean he's totally evil, its in his name and everything. By the way, who's Flesheater??

:prev: Because Flesheater, or UE as you call him, and his lack of style indicated that you have problems with your...aiming.

: Well that's just not true! I'm a perfect marksmen! I totally rule at Duck Hunt and that's been scientifically proven to correspond with a person's true accuracy regardless if you're standing right in front of the screen.

On an unrelated note, donations at the church of Podmark will go towards my laser eye surgery.

:prev: Well, Podmark, this has been fun, but I think we have to go.

: What so soon? But I haven't talked about my second book yet "How Dr. Manbot Ruined My Life (And So Can You!)". It's got 50% more incoherent ranting!

:prev: Well, it was just promoted! Wave to DJ--*points at TPE*--and sorry to Beyonder, we ran out of time. ^_^

[Previsionary]

*prev stares into the backstage area and notices his next guest. His spirit seems to be repelling from his body at the mere sight of this man...or perhaps his spirit is running from disappointment. Either/or*

:prev: Welcome out...Yuan!

*A frail looking gentleman of Asian descent steps out of the wings and makes his way quickly across the stage.  He stops a few feet away from the host and gives him an appraising (and very unamused) look.  Just Prev opens his mouth to speak the old man raps him smartly on the head with his walking stick.*

Uncle Yuan: "'Yuan?'  There is no one here called 'Yuan!'  Uncle Yuan.  Or perhaps 'Master' if you seek to become Uncle Yuan's apprentice, although I already have an apprentice.  So you will have to wait.  Ask me in about three years.  No, current apprentice is not the sharpest knife in the rack.  Ask me in five.

*prev (mentally): Aiee?! The beep*

:prev: (:angry:) Yuan Yuan Yuan...provide me with knowledge of your powers, enemies...location...weaknesses...and a possible phone number, so that I may contact you...about your upcoming doom at my hands

Uncle Yuan: "Powers?"  *He pauses.*  "I have no powers.  I have herbs." 

*He reaches into the battered pouch hanging from his shoulder and begins to pull out small bundles wrapped in newspaper and tied with string.*

Uncle Yuan: "I have herbs for arthritis.  For liver.  For babies who do not nurse.  For . . . no, no, that is my Go set . . . for impotence.  For eyes.  For fingernails that do not grow straight.  I also have I Ching sticks, and some buns for lunch, acupuncture needles, tea . . . " 

*By now the pile of packages at his feet have grown surprisingly large.  The pouch looks no emptier than it did before.  By now Uncle Yuan is muttering to himself and has his arm thrust into the bag to his shoulder.*

Uncle Yuan: "Where is . . . HA!  I also have flowers!"--He pulls out a very tattered bouquet of "feather" flowers like stage magicians pull from their sleeves.

Uncle Yuan: "I also know some t'ai chi.  A little,"--he says, holding up his hand and indicating about half an inch with his forefinger and thumb.

:prev: ...quite a collection. So, I've seen you around, but I've never had a chance to confront you. How are ya?

Uncle Yuan: "I am well.  My lumbago bothers me some when it rains, but at my age that is nothing."

:prev: Now, is it safe to assume that you're some sort of medicine man?

Uncle Yuan: "Yes!  Uncle Yuan has good medicine!" 

*He stoops to the pile around his feet and begins to gather up packages.* 

Uncle Yuan: "I have herbs for arthritis.  For liver.  For babies who do not nurse.  For . . . no, no, that is my Go set . . . for impotence.  For eyes.  For fingernails that do not grow straight . . ."

:prev: ( <_<) In my world...medicine men are cooked and served with syrup. Does that sound appealing to you?

*Uncle Yuan is busy shoving packages into his pouch while keeping a running commentary on their purported purposes.  He does not seem to hear.  When he is done the stage is empty and the pouch seems no fuller than it was before.*

:prev (mentally): What a rude little man.  :thumbdown:

:prev: Very well. I understand that in your free time you run contests. Why don't you tell us a little about that?

Uncle Yuan: "Ah!  You mean the writing!  There is so little good writing in the world, I feel I should encourage it whenever I can.  You do mean the writing, yes?  I stopped the cock fights a long time ago . . . "

:prev: (:unsure:) And we're out of time. Got any last words for the kids in the audience? Maybe some wise words or proverbs?

*This seems to cause him some pause.*

Uncle Yuan: "Um, 'wear your boots?'  That's a good one.  So is 'hold hands when you cross the street.'  There's always Rule One, of course, but I think best is 'Don't Panic!'"

:prev: --And...out! Thanks for joining us.

:prev: And hopefully my next guest, who has seem to have gone missing for...a week, will be less old, less rude, and have less items to clog my stage with. Heroes are such gits.

*commercial*

[Previsionary]

Just noting, I do have a few more interviews to post before this season wraps up (ha). I'm still waiting on one person to send something and I guess no one else is gonna do pre-interview stuffage. Anyway, sometime next week, the following people will be highlighted and you guys will most likely find them amusing:

Catwho (when he finds time to reply)
Benton Grey
Middy
and that weird guy from the audience. Ant something. Yeah, that guy right there! *points*

[Previsionary]

*finally getting around to posting the final three interviews. Hope you guys like them. Also, sorry for the delay.*

*prev points into the audience and zaps AA onto the stage*

:prev: You...you intrigue me! What is you name, cowboy, and how the heck are ya?

: My name is Afghan Ant and despite what your optical nerves are transmitting to your brain, I am not a domesticated female bovine human male child and I am well.

:prev: Now, I know you from that group--heroforce 2.0. How do you feel about your team mates?

: Before the rules were in place, I would do so with tactile feedback but I was instructed humans are not fond of this action...

:prev: --Because flesheater shared with us that you have some weird kinky fetish with bugs and podmark says you bring conflict because you're a "do-good" and he's a "do-bad".

:Oh you mean the conscious subjective experience of human emotion! WAIT! Did you say "weird kinky fetish with bugs?" So if you disclose the mating rituals of your home planet to your human social contacts and you are considered weird? Well to be fair, Flesheater has an unhealthy addiction to disemboweling reanimated human remains and Podmark is always talking to his semi-automatic firearm though it lack consciousness as define by the intergalactic standards in his underwear...it is unsettling...

:prev: I would assume so! Can you describe your powers and enemies to us, heroic-meatbag?

: All those who would kill insectiods is an enemy to me! *Points at everyone in the audience with a very angry look on his face* As for powers, the hyper bands I am wearing absorb polarize solar emissions and refract them into my metapleural enhancing my contractile tissues,as well as, generating propulsive thrusts and emitting coherent light radiation. I am also connected to databanks of the HIVEMIND however it is malfunctioning...*hits his head several times as to clear up static*

:prev: Weird. Now...if you and I were to get into a fight to the death, do you think your hyper bands could stop the villain of wizardry and telekinesis? Answer truthfully because I can read your mind!

: While I do not understand the exact mechanics of human supernatural distortion or consciousness manifested force,I am sure a Hymenoptera Winged ELITE Class soldier could defeat any puny human such as you. Human physiology is frail after all. *looks to the audience smiling and giving them the double thumbs up*

:prev: Ha. I'm not truly human, heroic-insectoid! Moving on, other than your heroics, people seem to know you because of your artistic prowess. How does it feel to know that people adore your artsy...ness?

: It is a honor! I find great joy in ...zzz...geometric modification of tangent spacezzz...*AA's eye glaze over but he shakes his head*
..forgive me, having access to the unmeasurable amount of knowledge that is the HIVEMIND makes it difficult to focus.

:prev: Why do you not have a church of Ant? I mean...Podmark has one...Flesheater would have one if he wasn't such a fashionless dimwit who dances with dead, decaying animals named Death Jester, why not you?

: It would be blasphemy to the Superorganism that laid thousands of eggs throughout the universe which have hatch into life. I am a true and faithful servant to Superorganism! *stands with his hands as antennas for his head while opening and closing his mouth*

:prev: And before we go...tell us about this TOM character you tripped over. Is TOM your newest best friend?

*AA looks to Tom*
: I do not know much about Tom but he seems like a fertile human male. I am sure any human female would eat his rostral head after he has fertilized her eggs.

:prev: --IGNORE ME! Venture Brothers for the win. ^_^. Thanks for stopping by sir AA of...um...well, thanks.

: It was my pleasure! I should get my cape caught on things more often.

:prev: Sorry to Beyonder, we ran out of time and Emma needed time to do her makeup...because no one must see her true face. *nods wisely*

:prev: Next up will be some fish guy from fishplace. *turns to the producers* Please...please tell me it ain't that patheitc aquaman! Even humans put him to shame!

*commercial*

[BentonGrey]

*Beats Prev mercilessly*

[Previsionary]

*prev stares at an aquarium that has been wheeled onto the set and mumbles something about Aquaman. Moments later, he notices aquaman...I mean Benton on stage trying to beat him. He's amused, but ultimately bored by this display of brute strength.*

:prev: Let's welcome out our next guest...Benton Grey...I don't even know this meat bag! Who the heck is that?!

:Grey: Greetings air breather.  To alleviate your confusion, you may know that I am a prince of the coral city...you may call me "Your Highness."

:prev: Ok, "Your Dorkness", you remind me of someone...who is it that you remind me of?

:Grey: I have been told I bear some resemblance to the "Creature of the Black Lagoon," whatever that may be...a compliment, I'm sure.

:prev: No...Namor. You remind me of Namor...but blue. This worries me.

:Grey: And you are actually an odd color, but I have made my peace with the deficiencies of you surface dwellers.

:prev: hrm...I see I have pegged you wrongly but I'm going to stick with Namor. How are you, seabag?

:Grey: I am well "landbag," but I miss my home from time to time.

:prev: And...we're done. Shuffle along now.

:Grey: What? You requested my august presence, and you had better make the most of it.

:prev: You dare request more of my time? *lightning strikes the stage*

:Grey: I AM royalty, you know.

:prev: FIIIIINE! What are your powers and such?

:Grey: Compared to you squish pink things, I have incredible strength, durability, and the power to cloud your weak, distracted minds, not to mention control over my native element.

:prev: and what do you think of tiobe leading this great place?

:Grey: He has been of use to me, therefore he may keep whatever he can grab of this pitiful world.

:prev: --AND do you not think Namor would own Aquaman in a fair fight? No self-respecting man would choose telepathy fish man to--

:Grey: --I have learned a curious expression in my time among you savages, "it is not the size of the canine in the battle, but the size of the battle in the canine."  This "Aquaman" character has much more....heart, than the other halfbreed.

:prev: fantasies...you live in them, no? Now, do you have anything to plug?

:Grey: Other than your face with my fist?  I suppose the human puppet who claims to speak for me is working on some paltry comic book mod, DCUH or something like that...

:prev: Is that it?

:Grey: Yes, I suppose so.

:prev: ........

:Grey: Well?

:prev: Can you...leave now? You bother me.

:Grey: And you me.

:prev: And there you have it, folks, fish bags are self superior, smell bags! Especially ones who love Aquaman. They're so delusional that it's almost cute...and I abhor cute! *lightning strikes the stage*

:prev: Coming up next...um...some werewolf guy. Fishman should leave less he plans on being a meal for someone. Now, that's a show I wouldn't mind seein'!

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

Heh, the show is back with a bang!  Great stuff all, a great addition to the Autumn schedule!

[cmdrkoenig67]

Applause!  Whooot!