Temporary sister?

[Reepicheep]

I didn't quite realise what an awkward situation I've landed in until it came to my house and virtually slapped me in the face...

Our school does a student exchange with Germany every year. During then days - these ten days - a german student will come and live with an english family in order to see how things are here, and in order to learn a spot of English. Later on, the student from that family will go to Germany for a similar reason.

Now, this German girl, Lisa, was supposed to stay with another family, but that family pulled out for one reason or another as far as hosting, but are still sending their child to Germany. I - sort of - volenteered to host her. The original hosters are taking care of her occasionally, like now for example.

Her English is fantastic, she's easy to get along with and all round she's a very lovable person.

But its a massive shock, having someone to be with 24/7. While she's here, I can't exactly leave her alone, since she dosn't know what there is to do around the house, and I can't expect her to keep herself company. I'm normally quite a self-contained sorta guy - not anti-social, but I need personal space - and to be in a position where I almost can't have that on a daily basis is weird to say the least.

Its good for me, all around, my german and communication skills are improving already, even though she's only stayed one night out of the ten, so I'm quite pleased.

So what am I saying? Probably, for those who know me best, it means I'll be much more inactive. Its also an update on my life, which hasn't happened around me for a while - I'm quite proud of that! And also a little cry fotr your support over the week. I don't know how you married couples manage!




I'm never having kids.

[the_ultimate_evil]

at a time like this there are two questions to ask yourself

1) what age is she










and depending on the answer to 1

2) is she hot

:D  :P

[Sevenforce]

and 3) and 4):

...

3) Is she Blonde?

4) Can she say "Ja, mein goten" in a sexy voice? ;)

What?! I wanna live through him!  :P



Serious part:
You need your space, yes. But how is she to know that? Bring it up to her in conversation smoothly, and try not to be too much of an arse about it (no offense). She can't help intruding if she doesn't know shes intruding. Communication (ha! How ironic!) is the key to any successful relationship, whether its boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, friend/platonic friend, etc. For all you know, she could be entirely the same, and could be horribly self-reliant. Since shes just uprooted herself into another culture and language, I'm willing to put bets that she can figure out the house and what she can do pretty quickly :)

[stumpy]

Actually, I wouldn't preemptively mention needing space to her at all. In the context of explaining some potentially confusing or uncomfortable event, it might be appropriate to say, "Oops. That's the sort of thing that may happen from time to time as I'm just not used to having someone else about." Anything far afield from that is going to be taken the wrong way, as though you are bothered by her being around or something. Kids can be be pretty sensitive about such things and, for a ten day stint, it's not worth making anything out of.

[Protomorph]

It sounds like a lot of fun. I went to my junior prom with a foreign exchange student (from Japan). We bonded over Comic Books (they don't have the same stigma there as here).

[Mr. Hamrick]

I think Stumpy's comments are probably your best bet.  Regardless, of that a couple of things I will offer some advice on, take it for what you will. I encountered four German exchange students that I remember with any vividness.  Actually, I  only remember two of their names.  The two I remember the names of were Maren and Solveig and I learned a lot from the two of them and I was not even a part of their host family. 

1) She will pick up a few things about behavior from you rather intentionally or unintentionally.  I keep thinking about the situation with Maren and Solveig and how their host sisters and their behavior after a while reflected one another so much.  Solveig (who was from East Germany) was much more laid back and easy going, complete pleasure to be around. Her host sister Paige, while a nuisance to me in some ways, was generally a good person and a good ambassador for all intents and purposes.  Maren (who was from West Germany) was staying with this girl named Meg and picked up a lot of Meg's behavior and tendency to come across as being a stressed out, overbearing, stand-offish psycho.  Meg followed Maren back to German ironically.  When she returned, Meg went through this thing of where she was Margaret then Maggie then Megan . . .   then George.  Ok, I'm exagerating about the George part.  Well, I think I am . . . mind you, we never had a ten class reunion and well she was voted most likely to . . . nevermind.

2)  She should understand that you need some "you time" but do understand that she will want you to show her around some too.  The Venezualan student who my family and I hosted was like this for the first weeks that he was around.  Course, this guy eventually stole my car and was kicked out of the country but that's another matter.  Point is that he was pretty understanding about the notion that there were some times of the day that you leave Mr. Hamrick alone.

Anyway, at least you only have her with ya for ten days.   And the bottom line is that for those days, you are going to be the "resident ambassador" to whereever you are. 

[Reepicheep]

Your comments are all very, very appreciated. Now for the important stuff:

1) 14, which is two years below me. The two year rule is in place.

2) So long as she isn't laughing, yeah.

3) No, brunette

4) I'll have to ask her.

I have to say, I'm becoming increasingly worried about her. Is she alright? Have I left her alone for too long? Will she sleep well? Should I get off the phone in case she can hear me and therefore can't sleep? Has she got enough money? Will she go hungry? This isn't normal for me. Its doing something to me.

I'll tell you what though, we've already had our moments. For one time, we had ran out of things to do (theres about three options in this household that people can do with one another - material things, that is) and so, knowing that she's a fan of Lord of The Rings, I pulled out the Return of the King game for my gamecube - a two player game. You've probably played it. Its nothing like the film.

Anyway, We started, I chose Gimli, she chose Legolas, and we started playing. I sorta half-instructed her on how to do it, not paying full attention to what I was doing and it wasn't until about ten minutes in when I noticed she was doing a lot better than me.

"You've played this before, havn't you?"

Pause.

"Yes."



So I'm very glad she has a sense of humour.

The school tends to do their thing with the students for most part. She's in town right now with the other exchange students, and I'll be working today instead of tomorrow. Later on we're all going bowling. I can't bowl, but what is there to lose?

Her English is still very good. We watched Gladiator last night (her choice - I love her taste in films already. It was Troy the day before) and I noticed what a self-contained person she is. I know what she's like shen she's bored (She attended my school Grease Rehearsals yesterday. 'nuff said) but, despite there being no german subtitles, she remained very attentive, upright and emotionally attached to what was going on. She understood what happened in the film, which is more than what I can normally say.

We're getting along fine. Its generally semi-awkward silences unless we're actually doing something, but we'll survive through that.

I don't plan on giving her anything resembling a 'shove off' remark. I feel bad for giving her something resembling that the first night she was here, primarily because I really needed to go to bed, so I don't plan on doing it again. I'll be taking Stumpy's comment to heart.

[Mr. Hamrick]

Hey sounds like you got one closer to Solveig than Maren (the two German girls I mentioned in my earlier post) as far as personality.  Ye lucked out there, lad.

I have to say, I'm becoming increasingly worried about her. Is she alright? Have I left her alone for too long? Will she sleep well? Should I get off the phone in case she can hear me and therefore can't sleep? Has she got enough money? Will she go hungry? This isn't normal for me. Its doing something to me.

We're getting along fine. Its generally semi-awkward silences unless we're actually doing something, but we'll survive through that.

Three notes here: 1) she is a normal girl except for coming from a foreign country.  She'll let ye know if she's hungry or if she is being kept awake by you on the phone.   2) The silences are probably more awkward for you than her.   3) She'd feel worse if she thought she was causing you agony over the matter, especially her being 14, I wager.

[konbiz]

I'm glad to see everything is going great for you. My partner was a great guy, and it was a very memorable part of my life thus far hehe. I did a Spanish exchange, so there will be a few minor differences between her and them, but, by how you are describing her, everything should be going great. My biggest tip for the awkward silences, try and speak German, then its something you can both do together, she can correct you, or educate you on new words, or if you're more talented at the language, have a nice conversation in German heh. Although I remember there was one girl/boy exchange couple, who, lets just say played "Scrabble" alot, and lets just say they were getting alot of "Triple word scores". I know that you have this "two year rule", which i don't really know, but I'm guessing it entails not getting involved with someone 2 years older/younger than you, which I think is a safe thing. Finally, exchange partners make good, lifelong friends, and if you ever go to Germany, you'll always have a place to stay. I hope you enjoy the rest of your time with her man. :D

P.S. It's good that you're worrying about her, but the chances are she's thinking the same things, so I wouldn't worry too much.

[Lunarman]

1) 14, which is two years below me. The two year rule is in place.

I'm 16 and going out with a 14 year old :P

Anyway, when I had my french exchange partner I worried about the same things, except we never spoke (she hid in her room  and never ate). Just think whether you'd be annoyed at having someone worrying after you, if not it's probably fine.

[Protomorph]

hm. In our school, our exchange students were always around 17 for some reason.