Paranoia-By-Post

[BlueBard]

I'm good.  I've already been assisted by a Good Citizen who is anonymous because he's humble like that and helped out of the goodness of his heart, as all loyal Citizens should, and I'm sure The Computer is proud that such a selfless and humble clone is working hard to make life more perfect for Everyone in Beta Complex with no expectation of any sort of commendation or reward for such noble behavior.  Do not ask, my Friends, what The Computer can do for you; Ask what you can do for Your Complex.  Blah, blah, blah.  Let your glowstick so shine that everyone may know you are a point of light in a dark room.  Blah, blah, blah.  Be all that you can be.  The few, the proud, the patriotic, who get more done in a single day than many clones in a lifecycle.  Blah, blah, blah.  And in conclusion, I sense by the vacant stares on your faces that you are dreaming of serving Your Complex and The Computer with all of your heart and bootsoles.  Thank you for your support!

[Viking]

Let your glowstick so shine that everyone may know you are a point of light in a dark room.

"Actually, I'd rather not shine my glowstick, as that would use up valuable Computer property!  And by staying in the comforting depths of Infrared darkness, I'm guaranteed to not see anything that is beyond my Security Clearance!"

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

Loyal citizen Numbe-IR-uno, pleased to report for duty oh glorious Computer!

[Viking]

Citizen ArrMatee-IR-RRR, present and Happy, Loyal, Clean, and Ready to Serve the Computer!

[Spam]

Citizen Spam-IR-LOT, ready to serve the amazing Computer!

[BlueBard]

Friend Citizens!  Two of you who have received instructions to report for duty have thus far failed to report.  You know who you are.  Perhaps you forgot to take your mandatory wakey-wakey supplement.  Please report in.  The Computer would certainly not wish to 'replace' you, but the assignments must be filled.  Other more worthy supplicants will be considered in your place.  That is all.

[BlueBard]

Friend Citizens!  It is taking some of you an abnormal amount of time to complete the Experimental Character Creation Testing.  If the poor efficiency ratings continue, I'm afraid this incident will go on record and you will have to be penalized.  Remember, R&D Testing is part of your Mandatory Bonus Duty.  Thank you, and have a nice daycycle!

OOC: My mission plan is shaping up nicely, to the point where we could get at least get a start on things if everyone were already done with their characters.  When we do start, it will be in a new thread which I will announce.

[BlueBard]

The Computer would like to extend its' assurances to the Citizens who have completed the Character Development Experiment that everything is okay, nothing is wrong, the nervous tic you're experiencing is a normal, temporary side-effect that will almost positively fade in time, and that your promotion to the ranks of the Troubleshooters is still entirely possible.  The High Programmers are diligently working to solve the, uh, interesting aspects of the new program and expect to get it online as soon as possible. 

Delays have been caused by treasonous activity on the part of certain individuals suspected of attempting to sabotage the Troubleshooter Efficiency, Metrics, & Performance Project, but Internal Security fully expects to issue Termination Vouchers for the culprits within a matter of days.

In the meantime remember, Happiness is Mandatory.  Trust No One.  The Computer Is Your Friend.  Trust The Computer.

[BlueBard]

For all participants in the first ever Paranoia-By-Post game on FR (You know who you are!):

We'll use this thread for OOG kiboshing and comments from folks not actually playing.

Some ground rules:

- Normal board rules apply.  Termination Vouchers will be issued for violators' treasonous behavior and the other players will be encouraged to shoot you in the back.  Role-playing is encouraged and interpersonal conflict is inevitable, but don't let it go outside the game and keep it fun.  With this group I don't expect that to be a problem.

- If you can't play for an extended period of time, say over 2 days, please post here or PM and let me know.  Your character will go on 'autopilot' and I'll take care of him for you while you're preoccupied.  People who don't let me know they won't be able to keep up will find that the other, active players will be encouraged to take advantage of your absent-mindedness in sneaky and devious ways.  You'll probably be robbed blind and made the fall-guy for the rest of the team's extracurricular activities.  The game will not stop cold for one player; inactives will be herded along at laser-point.

- Exception to the second rule is weekends.  While you're all encouraged to keep things going over the weekend, I'd be a fool to mandate that.  Especially at summer time.  Log on if you're bored, but don't expect a lot of progress over the weekend.  On the other hand, make sure you catch up with the posts... if you miss something important don't expect me or the other players to point it out to you.  You'll find out the hard way when your next clone activates.

- You'll want to keep track of your character's damage and endurance levels, and I will let you know as those change via personally addressed Spoilers.  You don't have to, but it will give you a good idea as to whether you're able-bodied enough to do something you want to attempt.

[BlueBard]

I sent out PM's to make sure everyone was ready to go for the Paranoia game this week.

I've gotten one response that's 'ready to go' and one response that says this week is iffy.

Therefore, I don't have majority.

Therefore, I have to assume this is a bad week unless I get more positive responses.

I'd rather not start the thing at all than have it die the slow death of non-participation, so I'm waiting to hear...

[BlueBard]

I sent out PM's to make sure everyone was ready to go for the Paranoia game this week.

I've gotten one response that's 'ready to go' and one response that says this week is iffy.

Therefore, I don't have majority.

Therefore, I have to assume this is a bad week unless I get more positive responses.

I'd rather not start the thing at all than have it die the slow death of non-participation, so I'm waiting to hear...

Is next week better for everyone?

Or should I delay this indefinitely?

[Spam]

Don't know about anyone else, but I'm ready whenever.

[BlueBard]

I've heard from everyone but Alaric, so I'm going to go ahead and start without him.

Alaric can join the game at any time by sending me a PM.

[BlueBard]

Sorry about the delay, folks... as soon as Spam checks in we'll try to keep this thing moving.

Alaric's character has been temporarily yanked from the action; if Alaric returns he can PM me and I'll work him back in to the game.  If anyone knows what's going on with Alaric, please speak up... he hasn't been seen on these forums in a bit and we're worried about him.

[Alaric]

Sorry about the delay, folks... as soon as Spam checks in we'll try to keep this thing moving.

Alaric's character has been temporarily yanked from the action; if Alaric returns he can PM me and I'll work him back in to the game.  If anyone knows what's going on with Alaric, please speak up... he hasn't been seen on these forums in a bit and we're worried about him.

Sorry, there's just been a lot going on. I'm going to try to get "Thrilling Adventures" running again next week, but I'm not going to commit to a second game right now. I hope everyone else has fun, though.

Too bad... I liked the way my character was shaping up...

[BlueBard]

Sorry about the delay, folks... as soon as Spam checks in we'll try to keep this thing moving.

Alaric's character has been temporarily yanked from the action; if Alaric returns he can PM me and I'll work him back in to the game.  If anyone knows what's going on with Alaric, please speak up... he hasn't been seen on these forums in a bit and we're worried about him.

Sorry, there's just been a lot going on. I'm going to try to get "Thrilling Adventures" running again next week, but I'm not going to commit to a second game right now. I hope everyone else has fun, though.

Too bad... I liked the way my character was shaping up...

No problem... If you decide later you want back in, I can write you back in easily enough.  And hopefully there will be other Paranoia games after this one, if people enjoy them.

[Viking]

Sorry to hear you've had so much going on, Alaric, but it's good to hear from you nevertheless.  Hope your life calms down as soon as possible.

[BlueBard]

Folks... sorry about the minutia of the requisitioning process.  It would be faster to get through if we were all face-to-face, but that ain't happening.  I'll try to get through it as quick as I can so we can get to the really interesting stuff.  It simply wouldn't be Paranoia if I handed you all of your gear on a silver platter, though.  Silver platters are Ultraviolet clearance.

Initial approval or denial is influenced by your Bureaucracy skill (how well you fill out forms).  Don't have Bureaucracy?  Sorry to hear that, Citizen.  You get one shot at appealing to get the stuff you were denied... try persuasion or bribery or intimidation or something else.  But of course you don't have anything to bribe with yet.

Spam and Phantom Eyebrow, I need your detailed requisition lists either in the thread or by PM, hopefully before I get done with Gday (Spyd).  If you don't ask for it, you don't get it.  If you don't know what to ask for, ask.

[Panther_Gunn]

"And this final item... This is one of our finest inventions yet.  This is a Steam-Powered Exoskeleton!  Just like the heavy-duty exoskeletons used in construction work, except this one doesn't need batteries or an external power supply!  It can function in any terrain, on or off the complex's power grid, even... Outside."  He pauses a moment for dramatic effect.

"This beauty is powered only by water and a small quantity of radioactive material to produce superheated steam.  The steam in turn drives the hydraulic systems of the exoskeleton.  Sheer genius!"

Great.....and me without my asbestos underwear!  :P

[BlueBard]

Given the volume of the Portable Morale Booster, ArrMatee would have been better off throwing out the wrapper, dividing the Happiness Energy Bar in half, and wedging THAT in his ears.

[Viking]

ArrMatee still has two more Energy Bars once he finds that out to be the case...

[Panther_Gunn]

Ok, I gotta give g'day extra points for just how far he was willing to take the "hold your breath" thing.  kudos.  :D

[BlueBard]

Panther_Gunn, your inbox is full.

And,

[spoiler]You are already strapped in; You may act when ready[/spoiler]

[Viking]

Yay!  I get to prompt a crisis situation!  Quick postings all around!

[Glitch Girl]

Wow, seven pages and no one is dead yet?  BB, you're slipping.  :twisted:

[BlueBard]

Wow, seven pages and no one is dead yet?  BB, you're slipping.  :twisted:

Yeah, I'm disappointed too.  I had high hopes for the docbot thing, but the players don't seem to have gotten into the spirit of things just yet.  I'll have to provide some extra motivation.

[Panther_Gunn]

Everyone *knows* that most Paranoia deaths happen *away* from the home.....to be more easily blamed on someone else!  :D

[BlueBard]

Dang, the dice blew another chance at whacking a player.

But then it should come as no surprise that a clone -trying- to commit suicide would botch it up...

[Viking]

I think that not knowing whether our engrams were safely stored away to allow our next clones to be activated has, in part, made me that much more cautious about dying.

Of course, in a Paranoia game, I also try to keep my clones alive as long as possible.  I mean, I can't imagine a clone wanting to die unless things just got too painful to bear.  Which I have seen happen.  One of the funniest moments that I've ever seen in a Paranoia game was when the players were so hosed, one of the players volunteered his clone to confess to being a traitor, and proceeded to recite the longest series of far-fetched treasonous crimes, both real and made-up, that I had ever had the pleasure of witnessing.

The Computer: "Continue with your confession, Citizen.  This is fascinating.  Other Citizens, please terminate this traitor as soon as he is finished confessing."

[BlueBard]

Hello Citizens!

Your Benevolent High Programmer is just getting back from vacation this week; Bear with me and we'll get this session back online!