Paranoia: My Name is Troubleshooter

[gdaybloke]

From cover, Spyd whips out his multicorder to record the computer's glorious agents in action.

[Spam]

If I get shot at, I start shooting like a madman from behind my cover. If I see anybody else get shot, I'll start shooting like a madman. If anybody comes near me, I'll start shooting like a madman...

"Alright! Now no-nobodies go-goiing to sho-oo-shoot anybody, m-m-m-mkay? Just... if you d-do, make sure to le-le-leave me out of whatever you guys are doing!" I say, stammering like a wimp.

[spoiler]Of course, since I have my finger on the trigger, and since I'm aiming in the general direction of a few people, I sure as hope my blaster doesn't go off...[/spoiler]

[BlueBard]

From cover, Spyd whips out his multicorder to record the computer's glorious agents in action.

If you're capturing any particular actions or subjects, be sure to post what you're recording (or at least put it in a spoiler).  That way you'll have much better luck when it comes time for, uh, post-production editing.  You won't get everything, but certain camera angles will be better than others.

[Viking]

Well, since the attempt at a longer sentence didn't work, ArrMatee shortens it dramatically, and increases the volume by shouting clearly:

"ORDERS, LEADER?"

[spoiler]I'm also staying out of range of a punch from Citizen Blo.  If he moves towards me at all, I will presume that he is volunteering for immediate termination, and oblige him.  By firing into his face.[/spoiler]

[Panther_Gunn]

Looking down at ArrMatee, with a confused look on his face: "Citizen ArrMatee, why do you have your pistol out?  Surely you don't think I did that on purpose.  These sort of little mishaps happen now & again in R&D, all in our glorious service to the all-knowing Computer.  Nothing to get excited about.  But, then again, you *are* from an inferior Service Group, aren't you?  I suppose you just can't help yourself.  However, I'm sure that with a little more field-testing, the fine motor control on this unit will be perfectly adjusted, and we definitely won't be seeing any more problems like this."   :D

[BlueBard]

Shoot-O seems to have made a decision.

His pistol points directly at ArrMatee.

"STAND DOWN, RECRUIT!  OR HAS THAT ADDLED BRAIN OF YOURS FORGOT WHAT MAKES THE STEAM IN THAT THING?  IF I WANT HIM SHOT, I'LL DO IT MYSELF!"

[Viking]

ArrMatee lowers his pistol, and salutes.  Or, at least, attempts an approximation thereof.  His right forearm still being numb, he actually slaps himself in the face.

"Standing down, as ordered, Citizen Shoot-O-LOT!  Shall I commence repairs on the Mark-S-Wellbot, Citizen Shoot-O-LOT?"

[gdaybloke]

[spoiler]I think I'll pay particular attention to Blo, for this segment of the Glorious Computer's Troubleshooter Action Docudrama[/spoiler]

[BlueBard]

The docbot is currently flailing around on the floor trying to right itself.

"{squirk} I I I am innnnnooooo need of re-repair, thank thank you.  Come again.  Mary had a little lamb."

[Viking]

ArrMatee's hand still hangs limply against his forehead, maintaining his best approximation of a salute to Shoot-O-LOT.  His commentary addresses Mark-S-Wellbot, however.

"Thank you for your vote of confidence, Mark-S-Wellbot!" he exclaims with a smile.  "Indeed, after I'm done with basic repairs, I don't expect that you shall need re-repairs at all!  Trust in Troubleshooters-In-Program-Training to get things done right the first time!  Current performance made possible by medication administered by Happiness Officer Spyd-IR-MAN, and docbots like you!"

[BlueBard]

"N-no nee-need to trouble trouble trouble {skwwirrk!} yourself.  One plus two is five."

The docbot waves its' surgical chainsaw in ArrMatee's direction.

Meanwhile, Shoot-O is scolding Blo-R.

"That's five demerits, recruit!  And don't think the fine for damaging that bot is coming out of my cred, either!"

[Panther_Gunn]

A look of extreme concern and consternation clouds Blo's face.  *gulp*!  "Citizen Shoot-O, could I possibly earn some of those demerits back (and possibly lower the amount of credits due) if I am able to fix the docbot?  I may not be skilled in 'bot repair, but I *am* rather handy with a soldering iron & set of screwdrivers."

[Viking]

ArrMatee knows better than to interrupt Shoot-O-LOT when angry.  Which is to say, all the time.  He slowly and carefully takes this moment to re-holster his laser pistol.  If Shoot-O-LOT wants the Troubleshooting team to attempt repair of the bot, he will most certainly say so.

ArrMatee also favors Watch-Y with his rather limp salute, noting that the highest clearance Citizen has been awfully quiet throughout all of this.

[spoiler]Any hint as to how Watch-Y seems to be reacting to all this?[/spoiler]

[BlueBard]

Blo-R:

Shoot-O glares at you and says, "You think any dipwad with a screwdriver can fix a bot?  Especially one waving around a chainsaw?  I'd let you try it, but this here is supposed to be a NON-LETHAL training exercise.  Speaking of which, get your hiney out of that exoskeleton.  I'll let someone else with half a brain do the testing!"

ArrMatee-R:

[spoiler]Watch-Y was initially alarmed, but right now you'd call his expression 'cold and calculating'.[/spoiler]

[Panther_Gunn]

"Of course, Citizen Shoot-O.  Disembarking exo-skeleton at once!  A very wise decision on your part, I must say.  This makes it easier for me to be able to quickly keep our team squeaky clean.  Your obvious leadership skills shine through, proving once again that the Computer knows exactly what it's doing!  Which place in line shall I take now, Citizen Shoot-O?"  :D

[BlueBard]

"Next to last!" Shoot-O barks.  "Numb-R! You are now the Steam-Powered Exoskeleton Field Tester!  Get in!"

"Fr-Froggy went a courtin' an-an-and he did ride, uh-huh," comments the docbot.

[gdaybloke]

Spyd clicks off the multicorder for now, and examines the controls on his PMB.

"This seems like a great opportunity to sing a rousing anthem in honour of the computer."

Spyd ponders the controls looking for a volume knob before turning it on.

[Viking]

ArrMatee instinctively checks his earplugs at Spyd's suggestion.

[BlueBard]

Spyd clicks off the multicorder for now, and examines the controls on his PMB.

"This seems like a great opportunity to sing a rousing anthem in honour of the computer."

Spyd ponders the controls looking for a volume knob before turning it on.

There is only one knob.  You think that might be the volume control.  No markings to figure out where low or loud are.  You can turn it all the way counter-clockwise, or all the way clockwise.  When you got it, it seemed to be set at all the way counter-clockwise.

ArrMatee, was that the candy-bar wrapper earplugs or the candy-bar earplugs?  Just making sure.  I'm assuming the wrappers, or your hearing would be greatly impaired.

[gdaybloke]

"Well", muses Spyd, "Last time we warmed the hearts of clones at least three sectors away... let's make this a more personal affair."

He turns the dial all the way clockwise.

[Viking]

ArrMatee still has the candy-bar-wrapper earplugs.  However, checking them gives him an excuse to have his hands by his ears... just in case.

[BlueBard]

Spyd-R turns the dial all the way clockwise, sets a musical selection, and presses the 'Play' button.

[BlueBard]

DA-DA! DA-DUM-BA-DA-DUM-DA! DUM-BA-DUM-BA-DAAAA!!!


Unfortunately, this appears to be maximum volume, not minimum volume.  It is much, MUCH louder than before.  The sensation is not far off from having someone pound nails into your eardrums with a rubber mallet.  All of you collapse to the floor and clasp your hands over your ears in a vain attempt to shut out the horrendously booming music.  Shoot-O remains standing with a grimace on his face.  He's saying something, but you can't make it out.

ArrMatee:
[spoiler]The makeshift earplugs MIGHT prevent permanent hearing loss, but they don't do much to protect your ears.[/spoiler]

What does each of you try to do now?

[gdaybloke]

Spyd's eyes glaze over for a second before he jabs the stop button.

"Well, I bet everyone's forgotten about any unpleasantness with the docbot now! Another job well done!"

Well, that's what people would hear, if they could.

With that, trying not to sweat too evidently, Spyd forces a smile, spins on his heel, and begins to march from the room.

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

* Numb spasms involuntarily at the savage sonic assault.  Conscious of the fact that he is now strapped into a big honking exo-skeleton, he tries his damnedest NOT to put his hands to his ears *

[Viking]

His ears ringing, ArrMatee twitches a couple of times before getting up off of the ground. 

His sense of volume temporarily shot, ArrMatee shouts out a question:

"ARRR!!!  SORRY, CITIZEN SHOOT-LOT, I COULDN'T HEAR YE OVER T'MUSIC'S ROAR!  WHAT WERE YER ORDERS, SIR?"

He follows this up with another limp salute as he moves to his position in line.

[BlueBard]

First, the good news:

Spyd-R passed the Chutzpah check allowing him to remove his hands from his ears long enough to turn off the PMB.

Now the bad news:

Everyone's ears are ringing so badly that you can't hear anything softer than a shout.

And the worse news:

Numb-R failed his check and was NOT able to keep himself from clapping his hands to his ears.  He has managed to knock himself out.  (Fortunately for him, the exoskeleton doesn't include gauntlets or he might have crushed his own skull).  He crashes to the floor.

Shoot-O is shouting, but you can barely hear him.

"Okay, that was a little loud.  Can't you pansies take a little noise, though?"  He looks down at Numb-R.  "Now what am I gonna do with this one?"

The docbot (still laying down on the floor) waves it's chainsaw and says something.

Shoot-O rubs his forehead as though he has a headache.  The docbot says something else.

"No!" Shoot-O shouts, shaking his head emphatically.  He turns to Arr-Matee.  "Your turn in the exoskeleton!  Get Numb-R out of there and carry him till he wakes up!"

[Panther_Gunn]

In the interest of moving things speedily along (and perhaps a little bit of bootlicking), Blo will assist ArrMatee with getting Numb out of the exoskeleton, and getting him (ArrMatee) into it, as well as a quick lesson on what does what.

[Spam]

While still behind cover for some reason, even after the firefight that never happened, I suppose I should get out of cover, and hopefully, get that ringing noise out of my ears... But wait... This ringing noise hurts... It tingles and gives a burning sensation that is unstandable... I take my holstered pistol, take it to my head, and yell...

"THIS HURTS!!!"

I then proceed to pull the trigger, hoping my earache will go away...

[BlueBard]

While still behind cover for some reason, even after the firefight that never happened, I suppose I should get out of cover, and hopefully, get that ringing noise out of my ears... But wait... This ringing noise hurts... It tingles and gives a burning sensation that is unstandable... I take my holstered pistol, take it to my head, and yell...

"THIS HURTS!!!"

I then proceed to pull the trigger, hoping my earache will go away...

Nothing seems to happen.

Spam:
[spoiler]Apparently, you have a training laser barrel attached instead of a 'live' laser barrel.  It was a 50/50 chance and you got 'lucky'.[/spoiler]