Paranoia: My Name is Troubleshooter

[Viking]

"Amazing, Citizen Murph-Y!" exclaims ArrMatee in delight as he examines the pouch.  "How do I use it?"

[BlueBard]

"Amazing, Citizen Murph-Y!" exclaims ArrMatee in delight as he examines the pouch.  "How do I use it?"

The pouch contains six small vials made out of a dense, dull metal.

"Well, the details are classified of course," Murph-Y replies.  "But essentially each vial contains a small colony of non-sentient nanobots suspended in an oily medium doped with metal particles and polymer chains.  Just pour it out on whatever you want fixed and the Nano-Tool will take care of it!"

[BlueBard]

Crash-R returns with the Portable Morale Booster.  He appears rather flushed and he seems to be avoiding meeting anyone's gaze.

"Ah!  There it is!  Bring it over here!"

Crash-R shuffles forward, lugging the PMB.  He leans in and whispers something in Murph-Y's ear.  Murph-Y's eyes widen in surprise, then he recovers.

"Excellent news!" Murph-Y beams.  "This unit happens to be the Beta model!  That really simplifies things quite a lot!  And which of you Citizens will be operating it?"

[Viking]

"I would not presume to speak for our illustrious Team Leader," says ArrMatee.  "His previous clone operated the last model, though he seemed eager to have me outfitted with as much R&D inventions as possible on our way here.  It is ultimately for his enlightened decision-making capability."

ArrMatee brightens up somewhat.  "While our glorious Team Leader ponders this weighty matter, might you possibly indulge this curious Troubleshooter as to what some of your current inventions are that may be in need of testing?  Subject to whatever we are cleared to hear, of course.  I would love to marvel at the cutting-edge ingenuity present in this section of R&D.  And who knows?  Such descriptions may prompt inspiration as to possible testing scenarios in our upcoming mission!"

[BlueBard]

"What we're working on?  That information is highly classified, of course." Murph-Y replies.  "But there may be a few things we need tested that might be a good fit for your mission.  Let me see..." he ponders.

"Obviously it must be a dangerous mission.  Experimental weaponry... Ah!  Crash-R, go get the Energized Gauntlets, the Porta-Wall, and the Demoralizer Ray!"

Crash-R scurries off.

Spyd-R says, "I'll take responsibility for the Portable Morale Booster.  As Team Leader I need to make sure the team is properly motivated at all times."

"Excellent!" Murph-Y exclaims cheerfully.  "Any other mission parameters that R&D can help you with?"

[Viking]

ArrMatee is lost in thought for a moment, and then has an inspiration.

"Medical treatment!" he exclaims.  "Clearly it will be necessary to treat clones who are wounded through mishaps or combat, and are without the services of a Docbot.  Might you have anything along those lines, Citizen Murph-Y?"

[BlueBard]

ArrMatee is lost in thought for a moment, and then has an inspiration.

"Medical treatment!" he exclaims.  "Clearly it will be necessary to treat clones who are wounded through mishaps or combat, and are without the services of a Docbot.  Might you have anything along those lines, Citizen Murph-Y?"

Murph-Y's smile drops.  His faces blushes a bit and his eyes sort of drift away from your gaze.

"Um, well...  Unfortunately early testing of the Nano-Medic has not gone well..."

"I've cycled through a dozen clones already!!!" Crash-R shouts in a tremulous voice as he re-enters the room carrying a pair of metallic gloves and a high-tech pistol.  A large metallic cube on a heavy wheeled chassis trundles behind him into the room.

"I've told you over and over, Crash-R; we have to accept the occasional setback for the sake of research," Murph-Y scolds.

"Stop!" Crash-R shrieks just as the cube is about to run him over in slow motion.  He slumps in relief as the cube jerks to a complete stop.

[Viking]

ArrMatee-R nods sagely and furrows his brow in sympathy at Murph-Y.

"I completely understand your situation.  Still, a difficult research project makes the success all the more triumphant, arr?"

His eyes gleam at the sight of the experimental weaponry arriving in the room.

"The Porta-Wall is responsive to voice activation?" he murmurs.  "Impressive!  I can hardly wait to hear the details as to the proper operation of this equipment!"

[BlueBard]

"Most certainly, Troubleshooter!" Murph-Y smiles back.  "There's even a card with the recognized voice commands on it... uh, somewhere..."  He walks over to a workstation and shuffles around various papers looking for it.

"Oh well.  Let me write them down for you.  I think I remember most of them..."  He scribbles notes on a blank sheet of algae paper and hands it to you.

(PM on the way shortly)

[Viking]

ArrMatee reviews the algae paper carefully before tucking it into a pocket.

"Very impressive!  Ah... Citizen Murph-Y... while ordinarily I would not even think of starting work with such an important invention while inside the walls of R&D, should I begin familiarizing the Porta-Wall with my voice commands now?  Otherwise the logical puzzle arises as to how my team would get it out the door."

He also brightens at the sight of the experimental weaponry.  "And I can't wait to hear about the other inventions that have been brought!"

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

"Um... could you perhaps share this list of voice commands with the rest of your fellow Troubleshooters?  I would hate for us to inadvertantly activate it at an inappropriate juncture.  I don't know the range of functions that this Porta-Wall has to offer, but it would be a terrible thing if, in extremis, one of us were to utter a mild profanity that would also trigger a function of the wall".

[BlueBard]

"Oh, I don't think you'll have to worry about that," Murph-Y tells Numb-R.  "The voice commands it understands are rather limited.  And it's not supposed to ob-- uh, lis-- um, do the bidding of anyone but it's operator.  That's a safety feature we put in after the prototype smashed through a wall."

[BlueBard]

Murph-Y holds up the pair of metallic gauntlets.

"Here's a little something R&D likes to call 'Energized Gauntlets'.  They're intended for hand-to-hand combat in close quarters.  Each glove carries a powerful electrical charge.  The palm actuator releases the charge, which is powerful enough to stun most clones and bots.  The really interesting thing about these devices is that they can recharge themselves from any available electrical source, including static electricity."

He gingerly puts the gloves down on a table near ArrMatee, palm side up.  Then he holds up a bulbous ray gun with a small, deep cone at the business end.  Unexpectedly, he aims the gun at Crash-R and fires.

"You're so ugly, I'd rather volunteer for summary execution than look at you!  It's quicker!" shouts a disembodied voice from near Crash-R, who bursts into tears and runs out of the room.

"I keep telling him research scientists have to suppress their emotions, but he doesn't listen," Murph-Y shakes his head.  "Tsk-tsk.  Anyway, this Demoralizer Ray should keep your enemies at bay."

[Viking]

"Once again, I am awed by the intellectual ingenuity of R&D!" exclaims ArrMatee.  "Can you give us an estimated number of uses of the Demoralizer Ray before it needs recharging, or is that beyond our Security Clearance?  And, arr... might you have any instructions as to the safe and proper handling of the Energized Gauntlets?  Given the delicate care with which you handled them, I wouldn't want any member of our team mishandling them, thereby risking damage to the fruits of R&D genius!"

[BlueBard]

"Eh, we're actually not sure how the Demoralizer Ray will function in the field," Murph-Y says.  "That's one of the things you'll be testing.  As to the Gauntlets, you just want to make sure you don't accidentally trigger those actuators while touching something you don't want zapped.  Well, it's been nice chatting with you, but I really must go find Crash-R wherever he's hiding and get some more research done.  Be sure to submit testing reports!"

Murph-Y motions toward the door.

[Viking]

"Absolutely, Citizen Murph-Y!" agrees ArrMatee, gathering up the Demoralizer Ray and the Energizer Gloves.  He'll then walk over to the Porta-Wall.

GM:
[spoiler]After which he'll tell the Porta-Wall to "listen," and tell it what a wonderful thing it is.  He'll then tell it to "fold."[/spoiler]

[BlueBard]

I assume ArrMatee is whispering that.

Nothing seems to happen.

ArrMatee:
[spoiler]It occurs to ArrMatee that the Porta-Wall is actually already "folded".[/spoiler]

[Viking]

Yes, ArrMatee originally whispered his instructions to the Porta-Wall.  He then boggles at the thought that this large metal cube is already in its compacted state.

Making sure that he's standing ten paces away from the Porta-Wall, he will state, "Forward."

If that prompts actual movement by the Porta-Wall, he will follow up by saying, "Stop," after it had traveled about five paces.  To be followed by brief tested commands of "Left," "Stop," "Right," "Stop," and "Back," "Stop."  Which, if they work without too many unexpected hiccups, will prompt ArrMatee to give commands appropriate to slowly guide it out of R&D.

[BlueBard]

The Porta-Wall seems to work fine by voice command, if it's movements are rather slow and jerky as it wheels along on its' motorized base.

You leave R&D and return to the Briefing Room.  A nervous-looking Citizen with dark hair and wearing an Orange jumpsuit is waiting, flanked by two toolbots.  They bear a strong resemblance to scrubbots, but are larger and loaded with tools instead of cleaning attachments.  The toolbots move about on rotating triangular tracks mounted to their chassis.

"Hi, my name is Elec-O," he says.  "I assume you're the Troubleshooter team assigned to protect me?"  He eyes the group uncertainly.

[Viking]

"Absolutely, Citizen Elec-O," confirms ArrMatee.  "Looking forward to getting DTH Sector in good working condition again."

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

"The wall has ears I see" says Numb, impressed at the fine technology on display.  "If the weapons haven't been assigned yet, I wonder if I might be permitted to use the Demoraliser Ray in the field?"

[Viking]

ArrMatee, realizing that he just used the word "forward" in his last sentence, quickly looks to the Porta-Wall and says, "Stop," just in case it had started moving again.

"With respect to the experimental R&D items, I had been given the initial impression that our Team Leader expected me to wield the bulk of them," he notes.  "Without a laser rifle or the Demoralizer Ray, that would leave me dangerously short on long-range tactical options."

ArrMatee flashes a reassuring grin to Elec-O.  "So - what's your understanding of what needs to be done to restore power?"

[BlueBard]

ArrMatee, realizing that he just used the word "forward" in his last sentence, quickly looks to the Porta-Wall and says, "Stop," just in case it had started moving again.

"With respect to the experimental R&D items, I had been given the initial impression that our Team Leader expected me to wield the bulk of them," he notes.  "Without a laser rifle or the Demoralizer Ray, that would leave me dangerously short on long-range tactical options."

ArrMatee flashes a reassuring grin to Elec-O.  "So - what's your understanding of what needs to be done to restore power?"

Good call.  The Porta-Wall did indeed jerk to a start, which your hasty "stop" aborted before it plowed into a toolbot.

"Eh, the Team Leader has lost interest in what you do or don't do, ArrMatee-R," says Spyd-R.  "You can trade with him if you want.  What I'm really interested in is the human-interest story.  So tell me, Elec-O... What's your favorite color?"

"Um, Orange?" Elec-O replies.

"Great!  I'll make a note of that!" Spyd-R says brightly.  "Smile for the camera!"  He points his camera at Elec-O and takes a picture.

"Great," Elec-O mutters, rubbing his eyes after the glare of the flash.  He turns to ArrMatee.  "Basically I just need to get to a power panel in a secure area.  I should be able to restore power to the sector from there."

[Viking]

The Team Leader having giving his blessing, ArrMatee-R smiles in a friendly manner at Numb-R.

"All I care about is having a ranged option in battle.  If you'd like to exchange your laser rifle for the Demoralizer Ray, great.  If you decide you'd like to exchange them again in the future, that's fine, too.  I leave it up to you."

ArrMatee-R looks to Citizen Elec-O again, keeping his speech slow and measured as he watches his word choice in earshot of the Porta-Wall.

"Do you know the directions to get to this power panel?" he inquires.  "If so, let us know how you want us to arrange ourselves so that you feel safest, and we can be on our way."

ArrMatee keeps a careful eye on the Porta-Wall, ready to call out "Stop" if it starts moving again at anyone else's speech.

[BlueBard]

Elec-O looks a bit embarrassed.  "Uh, I'm not from this sector.  I really don't know my way around here.  But these toolbots know where they're going," he says, indicating them with a wave of his hand.

Elec-O stares at the Porta-Wall, as if just now realizing it's not a standard model bot.  "What is that thing?" he asks, pointing.

[Viking]

ArrMatee's grin broadens, as if in dark appreciation of how things work in Beta Complex.  "I understand just what you mean, Friend Citizen.  If the toolbots are willing to guide us, we should be okay.  But let me know if you expect any complications, okay?"

"As for the large mobile block of metal, it's called the Porta-Wall from R&D.  It responds to voice commands."

ArrMatee checks carefully to make sure no one is standing in the Porta-Wall's path, and demonstrates its response to the words "Back, Stop, Right, Stop, Left, Stop, Forward, Stop."

"There's other functions, but I'm being careful about using them.  R&D inventions always have a little unpredictability, after all."

[BlueBard]

ArrMatee's grin broadens, as if in dark appreciation of how things work in Beta Complex.  "I understand just what you mean, Friend Citizen.  If the toolbots are willing to guide us, we should be okay.  But let me know if you expect any complications, okay?"

"As for the large mobile block of metal, it's called the Porta-Wall from R&D--" 

As soon as you say "Porta-Wall", the aforementioned device abruptly pivots to the left and before you can react the cube rapidly unfolds with startling speed and force.  Everyone manages to stay out of the way as a 3 x 3 meter armored wall slams into place and partitions the briefing room... except one of the toolbots which happened to be in the way and was struck by the edge of the Porta-Wall, cracking open its' plastic housing with a shower of sparks.

Both Elec-O and Spam-R let out high-pitched shrieks of terror.  Bits of acoustic tile fall to the floor.

[Viking]

"Fold!" calls out ArrMatee quickly.

If that does, in fact, cause the Porta-Wall to return to its original size, ArrMatee will continue...

"Uh, really sorry about that.  They didn't include that word on the list of known commands."

ArrMatee then mops the sweat from his brow.

"Ahem.  May I suggest that nobody here say the word 'Listen'?  That will cause this device to recognize your voice, and then we'll have to worry about you watching your speech as well."

[BlueBard]

'Fold' works.  The chaotic arrangement of struts and pistons that make up the framework for the Porta-Wall begin folding the multi-jointed armor plating back into cube shape, albeit far more slowly than it unfolded.  More pieces of acoustic tile fall from the crushed ceiling and the wrecked toolbot falls over with a crash.

Elec-O and Spam-R have stopped screaming, but are still trembling.  The other toolbot trundles over to focus its' photosensors into the damaged 'bot.

"Zat is not goot," it proclaims.  "It vill take two or tree daycycles in ze shop to patch it up.  Vant me to giff you a qvote on ze damages?"

[Viking]

"No, no, what's done is done," notes ArrMatee as he reaches for the pouch of Nano-Repair fluid.  "Any outstanding damages will simply get billed to the clone who signed for the item from R&D anyway.  But let's see if I can fix this..."

If the metal cube has not chosen to act on any other new vocabulary offerings, ArrMatee will pour the contents of a vial of Nano-Repair fluid on the wrecked toolbot, and then stand back and watch.