Paranoia: My Name is Troubleshooter

[gdaybloke]

Spyd raises his right hand. "I'm right handed, my good docbot."

[Viking]

"Right-handed, Mark-S Wellbot," responds ArrMatee.  He tries very hard not to shudder as he regards the surgical-grade chainsaw on the docbot.

[Panther_Gunn]

"Right-handed, docbot.", Blo replies.  He wonders which section of R&D this 'bot came from.

[BlueBard]

Spam fixes the docbot with narrowed eyes and asks, "Why?"

Before the docbot can respond, his eyes widen fearfully.  "You're going to amputate, aren't you?!  Then I won't be able to shoot my laser and then the commies will get me and I haven't been copied yet and my next clone won't know how everyone is plotting against him and then they'll get him and I'll never complete the mission and I'll be executed again for treasonous inefficiency!  I'VE FIGURED OUT YOUR EVIL PLAN!" he rants.

In mid-rant, a hypodermic needle pops out of a port on the docbot's side and the docbot jabs Spam with it.

"OW!" Spam cries out.  Then his eyelids begin to droop.

"I'm... going to... take a nap..."  He slumps to the floor and begins to snore.

"You humans are so excitable," the docbot remarks disapprovingly.  "And what about you?" the docbot asks Numb.  "You haven't answered my question yet."

[BlueBard]

Numb-R mumbles something to the effect that he is right handed.  The docbot's photosensors brighten in satisfaction.

"Very good!  Now it's time for your engram copies."

One after another, you are hooked in to the engram copier.  This basically resembles a cross between a dentist chair, an electric chair, and a hair dryer with a dome that goes over your head (like in beauty salons).

There is a brief buzzing sound accompanied by the sensation that flies are flying around inside your skulls and crawling on your brain... unpleasant, but not painful.

When everyone has been copied (Spam is 'helped' into the engram copier and snores loudly the entire time he is being processed), the docbot continues the examination.

"Citizen ArrMatee, please demonstrate that you are able to touch your toes."

While ArrMatee strains to touch his toes, he is bumped by the docbot and falls over.

"Hm," the docbot hums disapprovingly.  "Poor sense of balance."

[Viking]

"I can do better, Mark-S Wellbot!" exclaims ArrMatee.  "You provide me with incredible motivation to do so!"

If the docbot will let him, ArrMatee will bend over to touch his toes once more, this time being mindful of possibly being jostled.

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

"He still has his sea legs I see" mumbles Numb asent-mindedly.

[BlueBard]

"Fine, fine," the docbot says.  "Citizen, Blo-R?  Would you kindly sit on the examination table?  I want to check your reflexes."

[Panther_Gunn]

*gulp*

"Of course, at once, docbot."  Blo will gingerly hop up onto the exam table, sigh resignedly, and brace for impact.

[BlueBard]

The docbot goes to the counter and pulls open a drawer filled with shiny, sharp-looking implements.

It roots through the drawer a bit, humming pleasantly.  Then it pulls out a wicked looking implement that resembles a serrated hatchet.

"I wondered where that got to," the docbot remarks.  It replaces the implement in the drawer and finally selects a less-lethal looking rubber mallet.  It returns to Blo-R.

"You look tense, Friend Blo.  Please relax; this won't hurt."

WHAM!

Blo:
[spoiler]The docbot has struck your knee with considerable force... pain shoots up and down your leg.  You have been hit with non-lethal damage, but you passed a Stamina check so you may choose your response.[/spoiler]

[Panther_Gunn]

Blo winces slightly, and does his best to keep his eyes from either bulging or squeezing shut, stifles a bellow of pain, white-knuckles the edges of the exam table, and kicks his foot up as best he can, to show his reflexes are in working order.

[spoiler]If the kicking foot happens to connect with the docbot and possibly knock him over, I suppose that would be a shame, wouldn't it?  ;)[/spoiler]

[BlueBard]

Blo kicks out and stubs his toe on the docbot.  Fortunately, no injury results.

"Hm.  Reflexes within tolerance," remarks the docbot.  "Citizen Spyd-R, kindly take a deep breath and hold it."

Spyd-R:
You take a deep breath and hold it... and hold it... and hold it...  The docbot doesn't seem to be doing anything and isn't telling you to go ahead and breathe again.

[spoiler]Do you try to hold your breath as long as possible without passing out?  Or just give up and gasp in some air?[/spoiler]

[gdaybloke]

[spoiler]I'd gasp involuntarilly before passing out anyway[/spoiler]

After going a lovely shade of blue, Spyd cups his hands in front of his mouth and exhales into them. He lowers his arms, but keeps the hands cupped before him.

[BlueBard]

OOG: Yes, but the question is whether or not Spyd passes out. :)

"Lung capacity marginal," the docbot remarks.  "Of course if you were a robot you wouldn't need to breathe, Citizen.  But I suppose we can't all be robots, can we?"

The docbot goes back to ArrMatee.  It produces a hyponeedle.  "Time for your shots!" it chimes cheerily.  "Protection against some of those nasty pathogens you humans are subject to.  Your right arm, please?"

[Viking]

ArrMatee tries to relax as he extends his right arm.  He fails.

On the positve side, he does at least successfully provide his right arm for treatment.

[BlueBard]

The docbot jabs the needle into ArrMatee's right arm... apparently hitting a nerve, judging from the look of shock and agony that passes over ArrMatee's face.

ArrMatee:
[spoiler]Intense pain is directly followed by numbness of your right elbow and below... you're going to have trouble using that right hand for a while.  Off-hand actions will of course be penalized.  Feel free to post your reaction to the shot.  Have a nice daycycle, Citizen![/spoiler]

[Viking]

ArrMatee lets out a howl of pain under the docbot's tender ministrations.  He keeps enough presence of mind to turn a look of pain into a tortured grin, however:

"HOOOOWWWWWWWwwwwwWonderful it is to receive such great care from the (*twitch*) Computer!  I no longer feel any pain in my right arm!  Oh Happy, (*grimace*) Happy daycycle!  Indeed... I no longer feel anything in my right arm!"

[BlueBard]

"Spyd-R?  Your right arm, please?" the docbot says.

(If Spyd-R is doing anything other than full compliance after watching ArrMatee get jabbed, let me know... Otherwise, please post your reaction to getting stabbed in the arm with a needle.)

[gdaybloke]

"But if I hold out my arm, I'll drop this lungful of breathe you asked me to hold!"

Spyd lifts his cupped hands slightly to emphasise the point.

"I don't want to waste good air that the Computer's so lovingly recycled for me!"

[BlueBard]

The docbot turns its head toward Watch-Y and Shoot-O.

"Well, I don't suppose I can disqualify a Troubleshooter for mental impairment, can I?  There wouldn't be anyone left to do the troubleshooting."

It turns back to Spyd-R.

"Fully extend your right arm toward me, please.  You may, ah, hold the air in your left hand."

[gdaybloke]

Spyd makes a show of trying to balance two 'handfuls" of air on his left hand

[BlueBard]

The docbot gives Spyd a shot in the right arm.

Spyd:

[spoiler]The initial pain is just short of excruciating... probably hit a nerve.  Then your right arm goes numb.  You're going to have trouble using it for awhile.  And of course there is a penalty for using the offhand for many tasks...[/spoiler]

The docbot then turns and jabs the unconscious Spam-R, who wakes up screaming.

Spam-R:

[spoiler]You were sleeping, there was a sharp agonizing pain in your right arm, and now you are awake.  Your right arm is strangely numb and clumsy-feeling.  And there is a docbot at your side.[/spoiler]

[Spam]

I glance over at my arm in a look of shock and horror, then look at the docbot. And I swear, I saw a smirk on that robot mouth of his... even though he doesn't have a mouth, or a throat... But anyways, I look at the docbot in the same look, and try to contain myself. But, as I'm trying to contain myself, I sweat terribly, as thoughts enter my mind about what could possibly be in the needle, which entered my arm. The thought never occured that since I'm right handed, he did something to possibly enhance my right armedness, but instead, thoughts of terror entered my mind. The syringe could have been filled with poison... a type of... numbing poison! That... numbs... but then kills! Or, a type of numbing... paralyiser... In which, it turns out to be numb now, but then I'll never be able move it again. So, instead of freaking out and shouting, I pass out because of all the thoughts and possibilities that entered my very sick and twisted head.

[gdaybloke]

"Oh dear!" says Spyd, as Spam keels over. "The sight of our teammate keeling over like this could negatively impact the happiness of our team..."

Spyd fumbles with his collection of pills, hampered by the numbness in his right hand.

"As morale officer, I'm prescribing one of these to each team member..."

Spyd starts by popping a pill into Spam's mouth, and then holds out a handful of the same pill, approaching each team member and holding out his hand for them to take one, starting with Blo.

[spoiler]Spyd was *trying* to get a handful of Little Black Friends, but considering his limited manual dexterity right now, that's not garaunteed...[/spoiler]

[BlueBard]

Spyd-R fumbles with various pill bottles, trying to open them and get out the right number of pills.

Unfortunately, he manages to spill the pill bottle, scattering Little Black Friends all over the floor of the infirmary.

"Hmm.  Limited manual dexterity," comments the docbot disapprovingly.

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

* The-hopefully-not-to-become-ironically-named Numb watches the proceeding with a certain amount of discomfort and, although he feels that these ministrations likely be for the best if The Computer thinks so, he finds himself trying to blend in with the background being as inconspicuous as possible so that he might somehow miss this medical procedure. *

[Panther_Gunn]

[spoiler]Are my fellow troubleshooters bleeding profusely from the injection sites?  I hope there's nothing to be "concerned" about.  :D[/spoiler]

[BlueBard]

[spoiler]Are my fellow troubleshooters bleeding profusely from the injection sites?  I hope there's nothing to be "concerned" about.  :D[/spoiler]

No.  Of course there is nothing to be concerned about.  Everything is perfect.  Beta Complex is a utopia.  Nothing ever goes wrong.  goes wrong.  goes wrong.  goes...

[SMACK!]

Of course, truly paranoid types will note that:

1) Their team leader is a, um, vigilant individual with, ah, strong opinions about efficiency.  Who happens to be well armed and has a lightning fast quick draw.

2) They are being ministered to by a docbot with, er, an unusual 'bedside' manner who seems to have, uh, concerns about human frailty.  And which is in the process of administering, shall we say, injections which seem to be causing (ahem!) minor discomfort and, ah, the possible impairment of the dominant hand of every Red-level troubleshooter on the team.

and 3) They are just about to begin the training exercises required by the Computer for peak efficiency and that failure to satisfactorily complete said training exercises will result in, hm, unfortunate disciplinary action for a treasonous level of incompetency.

But of course you are all happy, well-adjusted Citizens without a care in the world other than to serve the Computer faithfully.  Or at least you will be, if friend Spyd-R can manage to administer the corrective medication.

[Viking]

ArrMatee shows himself to be a Loyal, Happy, Clean, and Efficient Citizen by helping gather the Little Black Friends.  Left-handed, of course.  He's doing this slowly and cautiously, so as to avoid knocking things over or bumping into anything.

Operating on the presumption that Spyd-R is also crouching down, trying to retrieve his Little Black Friends, ArrMatee will whisper to him:

Spyd
[spoiler]"Any prescriptions for sudden numbness in my right arm?  That would do wonders for my long-term Happiness."[/spoiler]

[BlueBard]

ArrMatee, Spyd-R doesn't seem to hear you.

Possible hearing damage from the Portable Morale Booster?

Anyway, between the two of you and your left hands, you manage to pick up all of the LBF's and distribute them.

Anyone not taking their medication or doing anything sneaky, speak up now or I'll assume you're medicated.

Meanwhile, the docbot orders both Blo-R and Numb-R to hold out their right arms to get -their- shots.