Ridiculous spam e-mail you've received

[zuludelta]

Admit it, reading the subject lines of spam can sometimes be an entertaining way to waste 15 minutes or so. I always find the myriad ways people try to get around the message filters to be amusing on multiple levels: there's the hilarity of the intentional misspellings to confuse simple word filters, and there's the comedy of the idea that these marketers think that any right-minded person would trust the word of a guy (or gal) who has the spelling ability of a stoned bonobo monkey. Of course, the topper is knowing that there will always be a poor sucker who actually clicks on the message and reads it (or at the very least, a sucker who's willing to spend 20 minutes of his time to post about it on a messageboard  :lol:).

Anyway, today's bulk e-mail haul provided me with a veritable treasure trove of comedy gold:

"Meet Dr. Phil! Details inside!"
-who thought that this would be a good idea? I thought the whole point of spam subject lines was to entice the unsuspecting recipient to read the e-mail, not force them to involuntarily gag in disgust, only to swallow their vomit back down to avoid an embarrassing public display of upchucking.

"Markindale flupigate"
-I've been seeing more and more of these nonsense subject lines lately. I know the spammers are trying to confuse the e-mail filters with these cryptic words but if the recipient can't even get a hint of whatever it is they're trying to promote, doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose? Who is this "Markindale" and how exactly do I "flupigate?" Of course, these might not be nonsense words at all but something written in another language, or quite possibly, an e-mail from Bill Cosby.

"Do I look fat in these pics?"
-I don't know which genius spammer thought this would be a good idea for a subject line, but everybody (or almost everybody) knows that this is a trick question with no right answer, so why bother looking at the message? In fact, I recommend deleting any similarly titled e-mails, even (or is that "especially"?) if it comes from your significant other. In fact, don't limit yourself to e-mail... if your girlfriend asks you the same question, just pretend you're blind for the remainder of the duration of your relationship (said relationship will last longer if you feign the inability to see). You're just setting yourself up for way too much grief down the road if you even begin to attempt an honest reply.

"RE: the file you requested"
-Ah, yes, that file, because I'm regularly in the habit of requesting executable files from people I don't know and whose e-mail address I've never seen before. Seriously, if you fall for this, you deserve to get trojan'ed (and no, I don't mean that Trojan!)

"Add 4 1nchez 2 ur pennies!"
-No thanks, I've got enough loose change in my pocket.

[vamp]

At least you get bugged about pennies.  For some odd reason, I keep getting spammed about increasing the size of my boobs. I like my chest just the way it is 

[The Pwime]

I just got one about how I "can be better in bed."


...I'm 16, so uh, no thanks, I don't think I'll be needing the Viagra.  :blink:

[vamp]

I just got one about how I "can be better in bed."


...I'm 16, so uh, no thanks, I don't think I'll be needing the Viagra.  :blink:

I busted out laughing when I read this.

I just got one saying: "I got a 8 inch fcjpp"

....That's great, but can you tell me what the heck is a "fcjpp"

[zuludelta]

I busted out laughing when I read this.

I just got one saying: "I got a 8 inch fcjpp"

....That's great, but can you tell me what the heck is a "fcjpp"

It's probably what you "flupigate" with   :lol:

[Glitch Girl]

"Attract men with bigger breasts" has always been a favorite of mine.

Why would I want a man with big breasts?  

Other's I've kept because they amused me:

"surprise her in the bedroom footwear"  Wow those are some AMAZING slippers!

"menstruation electronics"  API for your PMS

"the reptilian way" [sings like Foreigner] " I'm... cold blood, check it and see.  I've got a fever of a negative three..."

Oh yeah, for those who haven't seen it, the Spamusement has got a lot of illustratins of odd subject lines.

[Lycus]

Not so much ridiculous in it's nature, rather in the fact that, if it's real, they are so persistent. I don't recall the exact subject line, something about 'preparing for my future.' Apparently the University of Phoenix really  wants to recruit me, no matter how often I mark it as junk, another will pop up sooner or later. Maybe if I was American there would be some point to it. I wonder what it's really for...

[Uncle Yuan]

As a medical student I carry a hospital pager (with text) and I occasionally get . . . pager spam!!

Some of it is class mates goofing around: "Jesus loves you, this I know!"

Some of it is clueless support staff sending useless text pages: "Check your email for an important announcement!"  (personal fave)

Some of it is random goobledegook: "3343*65"

[The Pwime]

"Colon Cleanse Support - Flush 20 Excess Pounds out of your Colon"


:blink:

[zuludelta]

"Colon Cleanse Support - Flush 20 Excess Pounds out of your Colon"

Dude, if I had 20 excess pounds in my colon, I wouldn't be checking my e-mail if you know what I mean  :lol:

[ThePrelate]

being a gay man, my personal favorite are the emails soliciting me to visit their website for hot horny lesbian slutty teens ******* themselves silly.

seriously. they are SO off the mark on that one.

now.. if they were teaching me how to knit a scarf or bake a better flourless chocolate cake I might be game to at least look at the sight.

[Camma]

Nice thread!

My favorite are those that the send uses a fairly common female name (often just a first name) with a subject line "I found you email address and just had to say hi", as if i might have forgotten the names of my old friends and might mistake this person for someone i used to know.

Oh and even better, from a similar sender, "Please don't ignore me anymore", trying to convince me that it IS someone i know or knew and i mistakenly deleted a previous message.  And lately my work email filter has been catching a lot of "You've received an e-card from a classmate".

[ThePrelate]

and the ever popular "someone has a crush on you!"

[UnfluffyBunny]

"VISTA Ultimate �c�餤����DVD�Xĥ���M�" <"Windows>"
"找尋房子或土地買家.可預先訂購有貸款人想直接賣 "
"會計財務、共收錄近 1 5 0 0 個全方位實用表格"
"3D室內設計師、、設計統合精工監造、、商業空間、、專業施工群、專線：０９３６２２６９０５"
"好消息！超低利，工商融資，銀行式票貼～請洽：台新融資０９７０－０４５－１０４沈經理。～"

in the last 30 days i've had 558 pieces of spam.
alot arent in english
alot arent readable
those that are either seem to be:
"Hello! I am tired tonight. I am nice girl that would like to chat with you. Email me at"
(names on current page are: christi, kristie, synthia, linda, duncan, cristopher and ernestine @_@)
or asking if i want a visit from the big...erm... "pennies" fairy

[ThePrelate]

or asking if i want a visit from the big...erm... "pennies" fairy

wait.. are they offering to send you a fairy with mucho pennies.. or a fairy to grant you mucho pennies? ;)

[lugaru]

Heirloom tomato seeds.

Yeah, aparently Im on some list that say's "dont even bother sending him sexually explicit adds, his interests match those of your average grandma"

[vamp]

Apparently i am a lesbian, because I got these two with in minutes of eachother:

Increase your bust naturally by 30%
Do you want to see hot horny blondes?

Yeah...I don't watch porn (for many reasons), and like I said early, I like my chest just the way it is.

[Sword]

"About an accounting position." Point of Note, I have no formal accounting training. So these emails are spam. In fact even when its for two different companies, the email is exactly the same, with my name in bold, and the company's name in a different font from the rest of the email.


"Chocolate! Booze! Fast Cars!" There's only eight lines of random nonsense in the email itself.

[Glitch Girl]

"I understand that Hardin a complete horror of the Foundation is bound to power, "

That was the subject line - almost makes a good setup for a story.

[zuludelta]

Okay, let's see what we've got here >fishes into inbox<

- 3 separate offers for something called "Man XL", 2 entitled "ADD 3 INCHES IN LENGTH!", and 4 "pen1s enlargement" promos, an offer for a free Swiss Rolex watch, and two nonsense subject titled messages with suspicious attachments. Makes me wonder if the demand for Rolex watches and "male enhancement" products is really that huge. Maybe I'm in the wrong career!

[vamp]

I blame this all on Spam(the guy).

[kkhohoho]

Before today, I haven't received much spam.  Today, there were at least 30 emails of spam.

"Increase Your Sperm by 5 Times More, Fluid Enhancement Pills"  Why would I want to increase the size of a Sperm Whale? :P

"[tortuga's-tga-party] You are invited to join Wrestlmania wrestling Group!"  These emails supposedly from Tortuga have been the few amounts of spam I've received prior to today.  Spam from Tortuga?  Yes, though not from Tortuga, because most of the time, I've been asked if I want to go to a bachelor party.

Most of the other spam today had "Spam" at the begining of their names. :huh:

[Tomato]

I once came back from vacation to find I had over a hundred PM notifications from the same forum, only to discover that I'd only actually gotten one PM. I took a screenshot of it and posted on the forum, but I don't think I still have it.

[Silver Shocker]

"Meet Dr. Phil! Details inside!"
-who thought that this would be a good idea? I thought the whole point of spam subject lines was to entice the unsuspecting recipient to read the e-mail, not force them to involuntarily gag in disgust, only to swallow their vomit back down to avoid an embarrassing public display of upchucking.

I get that-I can't stand Dr. Phil. You'd have to pay me handsomely to appear on his show, and even then I'd feel dirty for weeks.

For some odd reason, I keep getting spammed about increasing the size of my boobs. I like my chest just the way it is 

Apparently Jubilee made the wrong choice when one of these found its way into her inbox a month or two ago.  ;)

"the reptilian way" [sings like Foreigner] " I'm... cold blood, check it and see.  I've got a fever of a negative three..."

Heh. Nice.

[Night Dragon]

"the reptilian way" [sings like Foreigner] " I'm... cold blood, check it and see.  I've got a fever of a negative three..."

Why for are you getting my e-mails for?  :blink:

[Protomorph]

for a long while, I was getting mails with subject lines that were seemingly random quotes from the Bible. As memory serves, they were for prescription meds or something.

[Lunarman]

I get one all the time saying:

'I'm am sorry for your loss, your long lost relative has recently died in Africa. He has left a large sum of money which he asked to be sent to his closest living relation. Please send us your bank details including your pin number and security code so we can transfer the money to you as soon as possible.

Many regards

Dr Omenachwey'

Honestly, I want to know why 5 long lost relations have all died in Africa in the last week?

[Tortuga]

"[tortuga's-tga-party] You are invited to join Wrestlmania wrestling Group!"  These emails supposedly from Tortuga have been the few amounts of spam I've received prior to today.  Spam from Tortuga?  Yes, though not from Tortuga, because most of the time, I've been asked if I want to go to a bachelor party.

Man, that was one heckuva bachelor party.  Too bad you thought that was spam.

[RTTingle]

now.. if they were teaching me how to knit a scarf or bake a better flourless chocolate cake I might be game to at least look at the sight.

Can't help you with the scarf, but as for the flourless chocolate cake, I do happen to have a good recipe for that and...

... what?

So I like to cook.

RTT

[SouperIan]

I have, in the past, received spam attempting to teach me basic lessons in chemistry. I know my practical skills need work (specifically, the ones that say "Ian! Don't sniff the poison gas!), but that seemed fairly unnecessary.

Also, I seem to have one about a horse butler.