Decision 2008: Ruler of the Fiefdom/Abattior!!

[MJB]

Randy will disavow all knowledge but it is a known fact (among über moderators) that a new ruler of the fiefdom/abattior must be elected.

Two thousand and eight is the year of the next election.

The time has come. Candidates feel free to post your election speech. Voters, chose one of the above candidates.

Good luck to each of you and be sure to watch out for deadly man eating sharks.

-MJB
(Election Committee)

[ow_tiobe_sb]

*With uncharacteristic solemnity, TPB appears upon the steps of the FR senate and addresses his a'dying supporters.*

Chums, sharkbaits, casualties, lend me your ears (literally, for I've lost several in a series of recent shark attacks);
I come to bury my campaign, not to raise it.
Whether 'tis knobbier in the mind to suffer
The knives and cleavers of abattoir slaughter,
Or to take arms against a sea of Sharkmen,
And by opposing feed them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-attack and the thousand ravenous sharks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consumption
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the steak rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may chum
When we have filleted off this mortal coil,
Must give us jaws.  *pause for effect*

We are no strangers to this adversary,
So I say unto thee, my fellow morsels,
Once more unto the beach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the forum up with our foolish dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and futility:
But when the teeth of sharks chew our ears,
Then imitate the action of the possum;
Stiffen the sinews, pour forth the blood,
Spice your fair marrow with parsley and sage;
Then lend your eye an edible aspect (I could use a few replacement eyes as well);
Let pry through the sausage of the head
Like the hot gammon; let the Eyebrow cook o'er it
As flavourfully as doth a stewed hake
O'erhang and accent his bouillabaisse,
Swill'd with the wild and tasteful ocean.
For there is none of you so lacking taste,
That hath not noble flavour in your eyes (Again, I could use some new eyes).
I see you hang like sirloins on the hooks,
Blood draining from the heart. The game's a (severed) foot:
Follow your blood trail, and upon this charge
Cry 'Cod for Tiobe, Fiefdom, and Saint Gorge!'
Lie down with one who would die and die gladly
To become the late tyrant of this forum!

Thank you, and may Cod bless the Abattoir!

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Presumptive Cadidate 2008

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

* The Eyebrow now strolls up to the pulpit, waving at the crowd in a well-practiced and statesman-like fashion *

:eyebrow:  :D { My fine fellow forumites; friends of freedom are we all.  We stand on the verge, nay the cusp, of an historic moment: a friendly, peaceful and entirely non-violent changing of the old order.  One in which nobody will get hurt, maimed, eviscerated, pureed or otherwise have the hurt put on them.  A bloodless coup if you will.   ^_^ And I certainly hope you will.

* A brief pause now for a little self-satisfied chuckle.  The Eyebrow takes in the room, his body language inviting them all to share in his good-natured bon-homie *

:eyebrow:  :) { I stand before you now as a powerful force for change.  For too long have we suffered the slings and arrows... I... er, to long have we lived in fear of a thousand (un)natural shocks...   :o

* The dulcet tones are suddenly silenced.  A flustered look washes over the Phantom's features now as he realises that tiobe has already gone down the Shakespearian path, and to great effect too.  An uncomfortable silence now as he fans through his cue cards for something and slowly discards them all - his princely aspect and port sublime now taking on the look of a startled bunny.*

:eyebrow:  :oops:{ Is it getting hot in here?  Can somebody open a window?  HOW ABOUT SOME WATER HERE!?

* Showing the presence of mind for which he is famed, the Phantom Eyebrow pauses for some deep breathing exercises.  Finding his centre once more, he reboards his train of thought *

:eyebrow:  { Change...  Yes, yes!  I was talking about change.  We fear change do we not, and for too long has the Fiefdom lived in fear.  Up to now we have had much to fear and not enough change, and I am here to redress the balance so will will have the correct amount of each.  Soon you will have nothing to fear but... er... change itself.  But I am not here to wantonly espouse change for change's sake.  I offer you change insofar as you might want change.  I mean to say, you might not want change; in which case who am I to fly in the face of the status quo?  Let my motto be: Leadership, in so much as its okay by you.

* Feeling that he may have salvaged something from this exercise, the Eyebrow takes in the crowd and attempts to crack a Winning Smile as the last vestiges of sweat tumble from his brow.  He steps back from the pulpit on slightly wobbly legs *

[yell0w_lantern]

I thought we already did this.

[MJB]

That was the nomination process. This is the actual vote.

Only 3 days left. Be sure to get your voice heard!

-MJB
(Election Committee)

[the_ultimate_evil]

i refuse to vote on the ground i was robbed

[ow_tiobe_sb]

i refuse to vote on the ground i was robbed

Would you be willing to vote on less criminal ground, say, outside Alexandria Park?

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Fop o' th' Morning

[GogglesPizanno]

I'm waiting for the election to be over and then demand a recount due to the failure of these computerized voting procedures and then I'm gonna hijack the election via coup during the ensuing chaos and declare myself Grand Poobah.

All who know the correct code phrase shall be allowed to live.

But please carry on with your voting...

[Kommando]

May the best man win.  Oh and Randy, thanks for the MANPADS, now I never have to worry about those pesky pigeons. 

[yell0w_lantern]

I thought you were talking about some sort of personal problem.

[MJB]

May the best man win.

Wouldn't "May the best man survive" be more appropriate for this forum? ;)

-MJB
(Election Committee)

[MJB]

Bumples.

1 day left!

-MJB
(Election Committee)

[ow_tiobe_sb]

Oh...dear...

*runs off to retrieve his shark-proof suit from his tailor*

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Fop o' th' Morning

[Previsionary]

low vote turnout. Suffice to say, I think some were lost in the ocean or something. RECOUNT! RECOUNT!

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

:eyebrow: { Not bad not bad at all.  I fought the campaign on the issues and in the end the voters' will be done.  Now I'm off to bagsy myself a good seat in the Opposition section of the house from which to harangue the bunburyist from.  Assuming he sees out the week...

[Spam]

Can I just ask one thing?

Who would be Vice Fiefdom/Abattior Ruler?

Hmm...

I'm with Prev. RECOUNT!

FORIAMSPAM!

[ow_tiobe_sb]

Wait a tick...I'm beginning to smell a rat!  Did the people just elect me ruler of the "Abattior" and not the Abattoir?  Will it be necessary for my administration's Secretary of the Interior and Bloody Murder to do business with MJB (who is no stranger to bloody murder)?  :angry:

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Th' Peepel's Choyse

[bearded]

oh god.
pink gin mill?
i don't even know what that means.
can i change my vote?

[ow_tiobe_sb]

oh god.
pink gin mill?
i don't even know what that means.
can i change my vote?

That's priceless!  *sprinkles BiL with Angostura bitters and settles back into his flamingo-coloured demesne*

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Fop o' th' Morning

[GogglesPizanno]

I demand a recount!!!

[Deaths Jester]

What the?!?!?!?!  The bloody wanker won and I wasn't even a nominee?!?!?!  What has the world come to when someone who has been here less time than me gets to rule a fiefdom?  Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

[MJB]

You were a nominee, you just didn't get enough votes. :(

CLICKY!

-MJB

[bearded]

oh god.
pink gin mill?
i don't even know what that means.
can i change my vote?

That's priceless!  *sprinkles BiL with Angostura bitters and settles back into his flamingo-coloured demesne*

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Fop o' th' Morning

what fresh heck is this?  Anglostarros butters? 
i want Randy back.  getting impaled on spikes with anvils dropping on my head is way preferable.  kill me now Randy!

[Spam]

*holy ka-gasp*

Sacred Pink Gin? Can I get some?

FORIAMSPAM!

[Previsionary]

NO, spam. You're under-aged. Also, I don't agree with the winner. Tiobe is neither evil like Randy nor funny like King be...he's a tiobe. I'm totally boycotting...or I might just restart up the "prem/vsational" show, invite on tiobe, interview him, then say mean things as he leaves the stage!

[ow_tiobe_sb]

NO, spam. You're under-aged. Also, I don't agree with the winner. Tiobe is neither evil like Randy nor funny like King be...he's a tiobe.

Prev is absolutely correct: I am a wit, which means I traffic in satire, not merely evil and humour.  As punishment for his short-sighted petulance, I will force Prev to portray the life of Candide while arrayed in Lady Cunégonde's attire.  :ph34r:

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Doctor Pangloss

[The_Baroness]

Uhmmmm i do have a feeling that i will be seeing many men dressed in frilly dressess..... *giggles* now.... that does not sound so bad... to me at least

[SouperIan]

Oh come on. I leave this place unattended for several months for no good reason, and when I get back it's been given to him?!
Something's gone terribly wrong.

[Spam]

Oh come on. I leave this place unattended for several months for no good reason, and when I get back it's been given to him?!
Something's gone terribly wrong.

Oh, come on now, tell me you didn't see this coming. I think deep down everyone knew that tiobe would eventually be leader sometime. Just give him a chance, eh?  :)

FORIAMSPAM!

[Previsionary]

Oh come on. I leave this place unattended for several months for no good reason, and when I get back it's been given to him?!
Something's gone terribly wrong.

Oh, come on now, tell me you didn't see this coming. I think deep down everyone knew that tiobe would eventually be leader sometime. Just give him a chance, eh?  :)

FORIAMSPAM!

I see he mind wiped you with his tentacles! So sad. I must have you on my soon to be revamped show: PREVSATIONAL! *sends spam a contract*