The Stand

[ow_tiobe_sb]

*Pulling himself together for a great effort, and showing the philosopher that underlies the dandy, TPB turns an uncharacteristically solemn face upon the assembled throng of concerned citizens.*

  :mellow: { My fellow Vigodanians, long have we suffered the tyranny of cruel men!  Long have we suffered the terror of Carcharodon half-breeds!  Long have we longed for an inviolate lemon chiffon pie!  Long have we hoped in vain that Dembridge's would reopen its doors--without fear of retribution!--so that your elected leader could purchase a competently tailored suit! *ahem*

  :) { Suffice it to say that long has been our darkest night.  Darkly dark, as 'twere a deep darkness, has that darkest night been, but the darkness is always darkest before someone gets a bright idea.  :thinkingidea I stand before you today to announce that I, The Phantom Bunburyist, have devised a preliminary plan toward a tentative way forward in the general direction of a resolution...which is currently under consideration by the party's U.E.C.^*!  ^_^ *crowd cheers*

  :mellow: { Before I share with you this scheme, I ask you, have we merited this well-documented injustice at the hands of our common enemy?  *pause for effect as crowd mumbles something inaudible*
Nay! I say, nay, we have not!  Have we earned this fate, born into bondage, as we have been, and leather codpieces under a known deviant pervert?  *crowd considers the question warily*
Nay! I say unto you, nay, we have not!  Have we no recourse to relieve ourselves publicly *crowd snickers* of this intolerable Song-of-the-Day menace?  *crowd stares blankly in confusion*
Nay! I say to you, my fellow citizens, nay!  *crosses back and forth across the stage for dramatic effect*

  :) { My comrades, there comes a time in every public servant's life when a humbling challenge presents itself, and that servant realises that the challenge is truly insurmountable without the assistance of others.  I am but one man doomed, as it were, to engage the sea in mortal combat if I must face our nemesis alone.  At this, our decisive hour of crisis, I ask who among you--who among the bravest, the strongest, the dandiest of you--will join me in this, our final stand against the adversary, Randy Ripoff?

*TPB taps his cane against the floorboards of the stage, and three small lads in short pants emerge from the trapdoor to quickly assemble a modest, wooden lemonade stand.  With graceful flourish, TPB hangs a small sign from a nail that reads "13p per cup."  ^_^*

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Fop o' th' Morning

^* Unlikely Endeavours Committee

[GogglesPizanno]

*looks at clock, realizes its still early. Goes back to bed*

[Ares_God_of_War]

So Mother Abagail is going to take out The Walkin' Dude in a knock down, drag out, Steel Cage fight to the death?

[catwhowalksbyhimself]

*Yawns and looks indifferent*

[randyripoff]

*looks at the lemonade stand manned by three adorable children*

Hey guys, snacks!

*the SharkMen(TM) start chasing after the small children, who run away in abject terror...blood is spilled...lasers are fired...lemonade is consumed...*

BLECH!  What's in this stuff, eau de tiobe?  SPEWWWWW!

*All that's left is some fairly toxic "lemonade" slowly eating it's way through the Earth's crust.  The SharkMen(TM) mourn the loss of their brother, the former "official taster"*

Poison is low, bunburyist...although I admire your sneakiness.  Personally, I tend to be less subtle.

*drops a 150 tonne weight on The Phantom Eyebrow's head*

Take that, bunburypest!

[MJB]

:popcorn2
:popcorn

-MJB

[Gremlin]

I want chocolate chiffon cake. Don't like lemon.

[GogglesPizanno]

*Gives Gremlin a Chocolate chiffon cake*
*Drinks last of the lemonade and smashes the stand*
*Throws unused lemons at Randy*
(Oh yeah, it Stings dont it!)

*Runs away, cackling madly*
Fear the day that I return
MWA HA Ha Ha ha haa....
:arrr

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

Poison is low, bunburyist...although I admire your sneakiness.  Personally, I tend to be less subtle.

*drops a 150 tonne weight on The Phantom Eyebrow's head*

Take that, bunburypest!

:eyebrow: :blink: { A low tactic, taking out innocent bystanders in your self-aggrandising quest to restore fiefdomial hegemony. 

:eyebrow: { You think that by taking the out the Eyebrow, the leader and inspiration behind the (force that is the) Phantasmal Avatar League of Superheroes, that the Bunburyist will be rudderless and aimless as a result?  Take out the brow and the dandy will surely fall, is it?  Well, being the (very) essence of spectrality, I have a most excellent defence against such crude exhitions of force.

:eyebrow: { ...er, provided I'm ready and expecting the attack that is.  Your strike was a little out of the blue.

* Collapses *

[Deaths Jester]

Finally a fight perhaps worth watching...though I really doubt it.

[kkhohoho]

*Watches...and watches...and watches...*

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

You know what it is though?  I simply can not wait for this thread to drop away, slide down the page into internetly obscurity.  I don't, by any means, mean this in an uncharitable way but I have a (nothing short of) a brilliant idea for reviving it (this thread that is) once it does do. 

[Sevenforce]

Once it does do do do?

[tommyboy]

Once it does do do do?

Oh....you said a bad word...

[SouperIan]

So Mother Abagail is going to take out The Walkin' Dude in a knock down, drag out, Steel Cage fight to the death?

You don't need some doddery old lady. You just need Spiderbaby!

[The Phantom Eyebrow]

You don't need some doddery old lady. You just need Spiderbaby!

Oh, Spiderbaby's great!  It's got the body of a spider, but the mind of a baby.  They keep it in a pram!

[SouperIan]

You don't need some doddery old lady. You just need Spiderbaby!

Oh, Spiderbaby's great!  It's got the body of a spider, but the mind of a baby.  They keep it in a pram!

Of course they do! That's how you know it's a baby!
And for those of you wondering what Spiderbaby has to do with The Stand Ares was talking about:
[spoiler]The main villain of The Stand gets killed in one of Stephen King's other books. By King Arthur's greatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreat.....greatgreatgreatgrandson. Who happens to be a were-spider. And a few hours old. And has two dads and a couple of mums. King kind of went off the deep end at some point.[/spoiler]

[randyripoff]

*pierces ow_tiobe_sb in the dickey*

[bearded]

[spoiler][spoiler]you know what's interesting about that?  heinlen did the same thing as king.  he went off the deep end, and by that i mean went bonkers, and tied all his characters up into some kind of weird overreaching storyline, communal universe style.  weird huh?[/spoiler][/spoiler]

You don't need some doddery old lady. You just need Spiderbaby!

Oh, Spiderbaby's great!  It's got the body of a spider, but the mind of a baby.  They keep it in a pram!

Of course they do! That's how you know it's a baby!
And for those of you wondering what Spiderbaby has to do with The Stand Ares was talking about:
[spoiler]The main villain of The Stand gets killed in one of Stephen King's other books. By King Arthur's greatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreat.....greatgreatgreatgrandson. Who happens to be a were-spider. And a few hours old. And has two dads and a couple of mums. King kind of went off the deep end at some point.[/spoiler]

[ow_tiobe_sb]

:angry: { *swings his cane at Mr. Ripoff's rocks and...misses*

:unsure: { *takes a closer look under his loupe*

:lol: { Why, Mr. Ripoff, there's little more than 1/10 of a karat in your reticule!  *instructs his man Lane to take Mr. Ripoff to the (jewelry) cleaners*

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Fop o' th' Morning

[bearded]

let us stop with the pedantic sophistry.  we are trying extremely hard to topic steal using spoilers to speak of literature.

[SouperIan]

let us stop with the pedantic sophistry.  we are trying extremely hard to topic steal using spoilers to speak of literature.

We're the most sophisticated vandals ever!

[ow_tiobe_sb]

We're the most sophisticated vandals ever!

  ^_^ { I would expect nothing less of my demesne, which is so smart that even the water closets hold doctorates from Oxford and Cambridge (largely because Mr. Ripoff is attempting to flush them down the drains).  Aye, we've cornered the market on low-brow sophistication here. *playfully installs a cat flap in Mr. Ripoff's trousers to help him resolve his "soiled nappy" problem*

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Fop o' th' Morning

[Deaths Jester]

We're the most sophisticated vandals ever!

  ^_^ { I would expect nothing less of my demesne, which is so smart that even the water closets hold doctorates from Oxford and Cambridge (largely because Mr. Ripoff is attempting to flush them down the drains).  Aye, we've cornered the market on low-brow sophistication here. *playfully installs a cat flap in Mr. Ripoff's trousers to help him resolve his "soiled nappy" problem*

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Fop o' th' Morning

*shakes his head in disbelief at Tiobe's supposed low-brow sophistication*  "Ye have no clue what sophistication is, Tiobe!"

[randyripoff]

Lowbrow, eh?

*sends ow_tiobe_sb a ticking package...when he tosses it in a bucket of water, it goes off, revealing it's true purpose...a SharkMen(TM) flatus bomb

everyone in a 50 mile radius abandons ow_tiobe_sb to go live in Gary, Indiana*

[SouperIan]

We're the most sophisticated vandals ever!

  ^_^ { I would expect nothing less of my demesne, which is so smart that even the water closets hold doctorates from Oxford and Cambridge (largely because Mr. Ripoff is attempting to flush them down the drains).  Aye, we've cornered the market on low-brow sophistication here. *playfully installs a cat flap in Mr. Ripoff's trousers to help him resolve his "soiled nappy" problem*

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Fop o' th' Morning

As I currently live in (and work near) Cambridge without actually going to the uni, I think I'm legally required to help flush those Cambridge doctorates. Well, assuming I'm meant to dislike those hoity-toity student types and their fancy-pants learning. I'm not quite sure what kind of rivalry there is between the colleges and the townsfolk.

[ow_tiobe_sb]

everyone in a 50 mile radius abandons ow_tiobe_sb to go live in Gary, Indiana

:| { *a Bunburyist camp spokesperson appears to make an official statement to the press* Thank you for assembling on such short notice.  Mr. Bunburyist would like me to express his severe disappointment in Mr. Ripoff's willingness to "play the race card" and would like to concede that he can compete with neither the Jackson 5's appeal nor their "groovy harmonies."  Nevertheless, Mr. Bunburyist would like to request, and I quote...ahem..."Oh, baby, give me one more chance!"  Thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the press.

:evil: { *TPB makes a surprise appearance to haze SouperIan in grand old Magdalen College fashion (which means, of course, forcing SouperIan to join the ranks of the choral foundation for men and boys...)*

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Fop o' th' Morning

[randyripoff]

*tie dyes ow_tiobe_sb's ascot*

[SouperIan]

everyone in a 50 mile radius abandons ow_tiobe_sb to go live in Gary, Indiana

:evil: { *TPB makes a surprise appearance to haze SouperIan in grand old Magdalen College fashion (which means, of course, forcing SouperIan to join the ranks of the choral foundation for men and boys...)*

ow_tiobe_sb
Phantom Bunburyist and Fop o' th' Morning

Don't take it out on me! It's a condition of my rent agreement!

[randyripoff]

*takes it out on Souper Ian by dropping 15 tonnes of scalding hot soup on his head*

*oh wait, did I say soup?  I meant sulfuric acid*

:twisted: