The worst movie you ever saw... Necroposting

[daglob]

What is the worst movie you ever saw? Why?

There are always the old standbys, "Plan 9" and "Manos, the Hands of Fate", but what about "Invasion of the Star Creatures", "Bride of the Atom", "At Long Last Love", or "High Yellow"? Do you cringe at the antics of The Ritz Brothers, or feel queasy at anything by John Waters? Do you despise anything touched by Larry Buchanan or Ray Dennis Steckler? Maybe it's Mexican wrestler movies that turn your stomach. Or, do you have an opinion that is contrary to most? When you hear those bleeping dwarfs start up "Hi Ho", you hie yourself to a hole and hole up (all because of D&D incident back in '96). Maybe there is nothing that happened a long time ago in a galaxy far far away that you care to see.

My choice is "Curse of the Swamp Creature". It is a truly bad movie, with little in the way of production values to recommend it. Most of the actors walk around like they are zombies, and while there is a kind of voodoo subplot, it has nothing to do with it. The only real actor, John Agar says his lines like is his tired and wants to go home. The worst offender is a guy who gets swallowed by quicksand. It is like he said to himself "with this bunch, no one is going to notice me, unless I turn the worst performance of the movie". He really tries.

[Deaths Jester]

Okay, first off, I love "Plan 9 From Outer Space"!

As for the worst? "Godzilla's Revenge" takes it hands down. Bloody thing is super slow, every monster has been cutified to appeal to the kids, and it's so over the top campy it makes your brain hurt. This film was made to torture folks, not entertain!

[daglob]

Okay, first off, I love "Plan 9 From Outer Space"!

As for the worst? "Godzilla's Revenge" takes it hands down. Bloody thing is super slow, every monster has been cutified to appeal to the kids, and it's so over the top campy it makes your brain hurt. This film was made to torture folks, not entertain!

Who doesn't love "Plan 9"? It's just always on the list of "worst movies". I respect everything Ed Wood and Ray Dennis Steckler ever made; usually you can sit there and watch the things even if you keep repeating "Oh, man, this is bad" and laugh at the "serious" parts. "Godzilla's Revenge" was on Svengoolie recently (last week?), and much was made of how cute and slow everything was. I've managed to block most of it out of my mind, except for Godzookie I mean Minya talking like a cross between Beaky Buzzard and Goofy (and not in a good way).

Maybe we can do a poll if we can get up a good list.

[Deaths Jester]

It was on last week's Svenghoolie. Tonight it's "Wolfman of London".

[HarryTrotter]

Oh yeah,Godzilla's Revenge was bad.The stock footage...
As for worst ever...DeepStar Six.Its not even a funny bad movie,its just a terrible ripoff of Alien.

[Deaths Jester]

Another is "Atomic Age Vampire"...just horrid! At least I think that's the name...

Wait, it's "Alien Massacre" that I'm talking about, Atomic Age Vampire is bad but not as bad as "Alien Massacre" which has no aliens in it. Also "Alone in the T-shirt Zone" is horrid. It was billed as a comedy but there isn't anything worth laughing at.

[Tomato]

I'm normally pretty chill with movies, since I don't go out of my way to watch anything that's truly awful* and I'm pretty forgiving of even mediocre films I have watched (I've discussed at length how I LIKED Green Lantern and am perfectly fine with Wolverine Origins). I could be snarky and say something like Batman V Superman, or X-men 3, but those aren't so much bad films as I have major issues with the content.

That said, I can safely list Godzilla 2000 and Dragonball Evolution as some of the more memorable turds. The former is easily worse, but it's so forgettable that I honestly don't remember most of it. Dragonball Evolution, by contrast, is not only a bad film in general, it's also such a betrayal of the source material I love that I disliked it far more overall, and it's about the only movie I watched specifically just to see the train wreck.

Also, honorable mention, Ang Lee's Hulk. While I remembered it being ok when I first watched it, I watched it again a few years ago because someone here was arguing how it was better than Incredible Hulk. And then I proceeded to go on a 20 minute rant about it to that person. I wouldn't put it on the same level as the two above, but it is a badly edited (and yes, I know they were going for a comic book motif, but it just comes off as trying too hard and makes the movie hard to follow sometimes. That = bad editing job) mess of a film that wants you to think it's deeper than it actually is.

*I have watched the occasional Theatre Mode on Achievement Hunter, but I didn't include any of those films because I didn't watch them, I watched AH riff them.

[HarryTrotter]

IMO,Godzilla 2000 was pretty mediocre,but not really the worst one.Unless you watched the dub.That probably drags it down.

[Tomato]

Wait, dub? I said the wrong one then. I meant the american Godzilla film, the one with the swarms of baby Godzillas and starring Matthew Broderick.

[HarryTrotter]

Oh,thats the 1998 American version.Godzilla 2000 was the 1999 Japanese movie.Which,like I said,is mediocre(in a somewhat neutral sense).
-They say a monster attacked NY.
-Definitly not one of ours.

[detourne_me]

I've seen quite a few bad movies in my day. I think one of the worst offenders is "Into the Woods" such a promising cast, but blegh. Another would be "The Counseler" a stellar cast with an absolute garbage script. I can't really blame B-movies, but when it comes to A-list talent, those movies are just inexcusable. Other offenders would be some of View Askew's movies, like Yoga Hosers or Vulgar.  Ugh.

[SickAlice]

I'm in the same vein as DM where I tend to look at a movies budget and whose working on it, then what they managed to accomplish with it. If a movies budget was say a couple hundred dollars but they got as creative as they could and the unseasoned no-names managed to recall their lines I feel they delivered yet if one has a massive budget and top billing yet fails, well you get the idea. Mommy Dearest tends to stand high on my list just for being pro-child abuse. Bill Cosby's Leonard Part 6 was a straight up flunk imo.

[catwhowalksbyhimself]

The Spirit continues to be my standard for bad movies, although I must confess I refused to watch past 10 or 15 minutes of it, so it might get better later.  I really doubt that though.

[Glitch Girl]

I'm trying to think of one that didn't even transcend the "So bad it becomes comedy" line that I've sat through the whole way.

I  mean I've seen a few that was so bad it was hilarious.  "Battlefield Earth" and "Mac&Me" come to mind, as does "Birddemic". 

And then are movies I can't sit through they're so awful.  "Avatar: The Last Airbender" comes to mind.  I can't even make it 15 minutes in.

I think "Batman & Robin" is probably the worst I've sat through to the bitter BITTER end.  Even though it's cool to pick on it, to me, it failed at camp, it failed at adventure, it failed in production design, it failed in script... it's just one massive fail.

[HarryTrotter]

The Spirit continues to be my standard for bad movies, although I must confess I refused to watch past 10 or 15 minutes of it, so it might get better later.  I really doubt that though.

You mean Sin City 1,5?
I remembered something that's going to be hard to top.Now,part 3 war terrible,but Jaws the Revenge really sets new standards for cr@p.Like,why is Michael Caine in this movie?Hes a good actor.

[Deaths Jester]

Right up there with "Godzilla's Revenge" is "Howard the Duck"! If you've ever seen it, you know why it stinks.

[spydermann93]

As a fan of MST3K, I've seen waaay more than I can count, but I would have to say "Manos: The Hands of Fate" is still one of the worst. Great commentary, though

In an actual theater, though, I would maybe say the one movie that I disliked the most at first viewing "Rise of the Silver Surfer". Just all-around disappointing and I'm still sad that Galactus was just a giant fart-cloud.

And gosh, "Godzilla's Revenge". I'm a big fan of Godzilla, but that movie was just dumb. I don't care about Minilla! Show me Godzilla, dang it!

I give movies like "Samurai Cop," "Birddemic," and "The Room" a pass since they were at least enjoyable to watch. They were bad, sure, but they at least made me laugh with how cheesy they were.

[HarryTrotter]

[spydermann93]

Flower Lady: "Oh, hai, Johnny. I didn't know it was you."

Same flower lady 5 seconds later: "You're my favorite customer."

Then how did you not know who he was!?!

Such great dialog

[HarryTrotter]

Nostalgia critic: You didnt recognize him?You didnt recognize a girly French zombie until he took off his sunglases?!
And a personal favorite: I cant tell you,its confidential.Anyway,how is your sex life?

[Ouflah]

I haven't watched a lot of bad movies, but I did watch Dune... it was part of a 4 DVD set that was $5 (we bought it because one of the DVDs was Flash Gordon, which I like quite a bit).

I don't even know why I stuck through and watched the whole thing. I hated it.

[daglob]

Yeah, I think Dune is one of those movies that the director or somebody thought he knew how to improve the story. That reminds me of The Man Who Fell To Earth; the movie bears only a superficial resemblance to the book.

But, then again, the same can be said about Who Framed Roger Rabbit (and the movie is better in this case).

And then there's Damnation Alley and/or Survival Run...

[spydermann93]

Yeah, I think Dune is one of those movies that the director or somebody thought he knew how to improve the story. That reminds me of The Man Who Fell To Earth; the movie bears only a superficial resemblance to the book.

But, then again, the same can be said about Who Framed Roger Rabbit (and the movie is better in this case).

And then there's Damnation Alley and/or Survival Run...

Speaking of movies that "bear only a superficial reference to the book", Starship Troopers is one of my FAVORITE movies.

All of the sequels, however, can burn. Not one of them could be considered "good" nor "ok".

[kkhohoho]

Hm. I've seen plenty of reviews of bad movies thanks to the wonders of the internet, and have seen a number of MST3K eps, but in terms of things I've actually seen without some helpful humorous commentary to ease the pain, the first Ghost in the Shell movie from back in the 90's comes to mind. For better or worse, it's the predecessor to the Matrix movies, and since I don't give a crap about any of the Matrix movies, (not even the first one,) it's probably for the worse. Just like the Matrix, the characters are lifeless, the story is pretentious bullcrap, and everything that comes out of the characters' mouths is faux-philosophical nonsense. But what puts this above the Matrix in terms of being sucky instead of just OK is that it not only does all of this even worse than the Matrix did, but it takes a preexisting work and craps all over it to do so. In the original manga, (and in Stand Alone Complex later on,) the characters weren't empty mouthpieces. They had life, personality, vigor. In the manga, the Major was a loudmouthed spitfire who later grew into a stoic, no-nonsense professional who still had her moments of levity, while Baoto was a fun-loving dude with the occasional serious moment from start to finish. And it's more or less the same with everyone else. Likewise, the story in the manga wasn't pretentious drivel; it was straight-forward action and intrigue up until near the very end, and there was nothing wrong with that. But then the movie did its' best to make sure it was pretentious drivel while also choosing not to give it a third act, and the result is the mess we've got today. I know plenty of people still love it, and I can understand why, but that doesn't change the fact that its' just a soulless mess.

[detourne_me]

And then there's Damnation Alley and/or Survival Run...

Was damnation alley the post apocalyptic one with Ernest Borgnine and a giant truck?
Dune was a rather tough movie too. David Lynch ended up taking his name off the final product, and it was released as an Alan Smithee film. I did love it as a kid, though, Sting and the Harkonen's were creepy, Partrick Stewart as Gurney was pretty cool.
It's a shame Alejandro Jodorowsky never got to make his version of Dune.
Check out the documentary Jodorowsky's Dune if you ever want to know what could've been the greatest sci-if ever. Music from Pink Floyd and Tangerine Dream, concepts and designs from Moebius, HR Geiger and Dan O'Bannon (creator of Alien), and starring Orson Welles and Salvador Dali.
I really hope Denis Villeneuve succeeds with Blade Runner later this year, and gets an unlimited budget for Dune.

[HarryTrotter]

I know its a sacred cow for some people,but the book wasn't that great either.Its a colonial narrative with some uncomfortable real life parallels,at best.
It did produce some great RTS games,but the credit goes to people at Westwood there.

[Silver Shocker]

The Spirit continues to be my standard for bad movies, although I must confess I refused to watch past 10 or 15 minutes of it, so it might get better later.  I really doubt that though.

You mean Sin City 1,5?
I remembered something that's going to be hard to top.Now,part 3 war terrible,but Jaws the Revenge really sets new standards for cr@p.Like,why is Michael Caine in this movie?Hes a good actor.

Money dear boy.

"I have never seen the film, but by all accounts it was terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific!"

As for me. I've seen Batman and Robin, and that was certainly bad. The Village was pretty bad. I've seen Sharknado, which was a bad movie, but enjoyably so. The live action Death Note spin-off "L: Change the World" was pretty terrible. Other than that, I can't really think of any more. I just don't watch a lot of really bad movies.

[daglob]

Damnation Alley and Survival Run are both stories by Roger Zelazny. It's my understanding that Damnation Alley is the expanded version of Survival Run, and that neither has anything to do with a later movie called Survival Run. In my opinion, neither has much to do with the movie called Damnation Alley, either. That is the only movie I ever walked out on (and I wanted to walk out on The Man Who Fell To Earth).

[HarryTrotter]

The Spirit continues to be my standard for bad movies, although I must confess I refused to watch past 10 or 15 minutes of it, so it might get better later.  I really doubt that though.

You mean Sin City 1,5?
I remembered something that's going to be hard to top.Now,part 3 war terrible,but Jaws the Revenge really sets new standards for cr@p.Like,why is Michael Caine in this movie?Hes a good actor.

Money dear boy.

"I have never seen the film, but by all accounts it was terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific!"

As for me. I've seen Batman and Robin, and that was certainly bad. The Village was pretty bad. I've seen Sharknado, which was a bad movie, but enjoyably so. The live action Death Note spin-off "L: Change the World" was pretty terrible. Other than that, I can't really think of any more. I just don't watch a lot of really bad movies.

Rhetorical question.I assumed as much.
Well,we mentioned live action anime adaptation earlier.We have yet to touch upon horror sequels and video game adaptations.

[BentonGrey]

Haha, this thread is great!  I definitely agree with the folks who judge big budget, big talent films more harshly than B-movies.  Pointing out that Manos: The Hands of Fate is bad is kind of like saying that the sky is blue.  I'm a huge MST3K fan, like some of the rest of y'all, and there's a wide range of movies that are in the 'so bad it's good' category.  Just in the Rifftrax films we've seen recently, Samurai Cop and R.O.T.O.R. were both just unbelievably bad, hysterically, die-from-laughing kind of bad.  But what else would you expect from such a movie.  There badness is practically transcendent.

For my part, in terms of the 'real' movies I've seen, I'd have to say the worst would be either The Good Shepard, The Fountain, or Elysium.  These are three films with tons of potential, tons of talent, big budgets, and execrable writing, terrible acting, and a profusion of pseudo-profound but incredibly ill-conceived BS.  I suppose the Good Shepard would have to be the worst, as it wasn't even entertaining or interesting, but the squandered opportunity of the other two galls me to no end.  (I realize there are two Matt Damon movies on there, but I really do like the guy, honest!  )

Of course, other movies mentioned here are undoubtedly objectively worse, like Battlefield: Earth and the '98 Godzilla, but there's something about 'from those to whom much is given, much is expected' about this question for me.

Also, I'm surprised by the Dune hate.  Dune was a great movie, a sci-fi classic!  It's one of the very few instances where I'd say the movie improves on the book, thanks to Herbert's aggressively mediocre writing.  His ideas, his world is great, the rest...not so much.  While the film cut out most of the ambiguity of Paul's ascension, it told a better, more complete story.